Thursday, April 23, 2015

Master of Darkness Magic (2008)

aka Masters of Magic

I knew I was in trouble as soon as this started. It looks like a video your friends might make.  There isn't any lighting or cinematography. The acting is at an amateur theater level, and the dialogue is often buried under the background music. Since there isn't much of a plot, I suppose it doesn't matter - but it doesn't help either.

A princess who is tired of being rich and living well, puts on a twentyfirst century vest and heads out into the woods to live as a thief.  She joins forces with a young orphan, and the two decide to help a gay monk destroy some creatures which turn out to be some sort of pathetic zombies.

Meanwhile a wizard is creating the zombies by killing the living in order to keep some sort of gate closed.  Who does the gate keep out?  No idea.  How does turning people into zombies help keep the gate closed? No clue.  But the wizard kills people he knows while apologizing them.  They don't even fight. They just simply tell him that they don't like that he's killing them. It's all very civilized.

This is the equivalent of watching community theater in the wild. There is a soundtrack which sounds like it came out of a video game where the character is on a quest and has a sword.  The credits thank a renaissance fair as well as a guild.  It's not clear what sort of connections the two have to this movie, but in every photo I've seen of a Renaissance fair, the costumes are way better than what you'll see in this film.

Yeah, the one on the right is a Princess who's slumming it.
Typical shot that reveals no lighting was used.
The saddest looking zombies ever
Yes, the vests are authentic to the 16th century.
I really believe that the evil sword is forcing her to cut herself.
Primitive special effects to match the time period.
I can't take his threat seriously because he looks like he's
going to kiss him.

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