Ted Angelo, a hard drinking writer with a big mustache and a shirt that should be buttoned more often, is looking for a new story while on a bender in Columbia. He hears stories about a treasure of gold, and in true Indiana Jones and Goonies fashion, he discovers an old ship inside an underground cavern. Oh and there's also a UFO in there.
Ted's looking forward to writing a great story, but everyone on Earth including the CIA, KGB, mob and Nazi's beg to differ. Soon Ted is being chased all over the island and drunkenly bedding down with women. Then the cyborg shows up. Yup, that's right, a cyborg. He's got a gun and Ted is his target. Luckily for Ted he's not a very good cyborg assassin because he fries his own face with fireworks and then his melty face is destroyed by a bull. Ridiculous.
And that doesn't even touch on the gooey, slime drooling alien and the assertion that aliens have lived among us for thousands of years. Or George Kennedy as a villian and how disconcerting it is to hear his voice dubbed by someone else. While this film is sometimes amusing, it's not very exciting.
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| This does not make me want to watch |
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| Wow, that is some outfit |
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| Goonies are good enough |
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| A mustache of Tom Selleck proportions |
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| Good god, put on a shirt |
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| This Alien is full of green goo |
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| The four faces of incompetent cyborgs |
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