Amityville Scarecrow (2021)

Aka Scarecrow Camp 

When their mother dies, estranged sisters Tina and Mary inherit the Amityville Cornfield, Camp and Caravan Park.  Unlike the cover, there are no houses in the film. They aren’t even in the US, which should be pretty apparent based on the fact the trailers are called caravans.

The will states both sisters inherit the estate and must agree on how to manage it.  Tina wants to fix up the park and rebuild her relationship with Mary. Mary wants to sell the park and get the hell away from Tina.  They are at an impasse. Tina tells Mary she’s not selling.  Neither can summon the cranial capacity to figure out that one way to agree on management is for Tina to buy the park, paying off Mary for her share.

The sisters are estranged because Tina slept with Mary’s husband Derek, who then left her to be with Tina. Why Derek is a catch is beyond me, but they’re still together so this family reunion is pretty awkward.  Tina is delusional since she thinks Mary should just get over it.  And Derek is a super douche since he tells Mary she’s being unfair and that Tina misses her and would do anything for her.  Right, except keep her hands off her husband, sell the caravan, do anything to make her comfortable, or listen to how she feels.   Tina is all about Tina.

But when the scarecrows on the property come to life, the sisters put aside their differences to try to survive.  They also find a camcorder which has a tape in it and in the middle of their fight for life, decide to watch it. It’s their mother telling them to never touch the land, or what’s on it, and to leave it to rot.  Uhhhh, she may have wanted to include that in the will since this is extremely important and they stumbled across it by chance while hiding from a killer scarecrow.

Another crappy Amityville movie which has nothing to do with Amityville except using the name to get you to watch it.  Questions abound. Why would their mother not include the vital info about the cursed land in the will? Why does the family split up when heading to the car? Why not wait for the person who is going into the caravan to get the keys? Why would only one cop be sent to the scene when a caller says someone is trying to kill her family? Why are Tina and Derek so callous that they believe it’s no big deal they betrayed Mary since it was so long ago and Mary should just get over it?  

Clueless dialogue:

Daughter - Why wasn’t there any corn in the fields?

Mother - Stuff never grows. It was as though someone harvested it for years.

Mary - You destroyed any chance of a relationship with me the day you started sleeping with my husband.

Tina - That was a long time ago, Mary.

Mary - I don’t think I could ever trust you again.

Tina - Things take time.

The land was purchased by a company who promised to turn it around and in memory of the awful crimes promised to call it Amityville.  

Mary - How have you been?

Derek - Well the business never took off like I wanted. Shit happens.

Derek - You don’t need to stay in the past, Mary. To be honest, I think you’re being a little unfair. 

Derek - Your sister has missed you. You only get one chance in life. Don’t block her out. She’d do anything for you.

Police woman - Who goes there?

Harriet - It was me. Harriet Childs. I was the one who called.

Tina (to Mary about Derek) - You know, in a way, I think he missed you at times.

It’s Amityville UK. 

It’s not a good sign when your title is a basic font.

The caravan park has seen better days.

It looks like they actually lit it with headlights.

The awkward reunion. And why fight over this guy?

I kept thinking her head band was a bandage.