Tina inherits her mothers estate, which is essentially a house she can’t pay for and care of her mentally challenged brother Max. She’s not doing a good job paying the bills, getting to her job on time, or caring for her brother.
When the antique store she works at tells her they’re closing because they’re operating at a loss, bizarrely she begs them to reconsider since she needs her job. Since Tina has no proposal for how they can actually turn a profit, they ask her to do inventory so they can auction off their inventory.
When Tina’s boyfriend Luke sees a photo of an amulet in the back room , he determines it’s worth a lot of money and proposes they steal it. His bandmate is involved in some sketchy stuff .The guy can steal it, sell it and their money problems will be solved.
Tina reluctantly agrees since she doesn’t know how to pay for her house or take care of Max. She unlocks the store and lets them in. I’m not sure why she thinks that wont point to her, but the police don’t seem very bright so she’s in the clear.
The group of thieves not only take the amulet, but a large crate. When the theft is discovered, the shop owner tells the police she’s not concerned with the property, but is concerned because whoever took it is in danger. Since the security footage was also stolen, the police suggest she stole it so she could get an insurance payout for her failing business. Surprisingly neither of them consider Tina a suspect, even though she’s wide eyed and nervous looking, and is the other person with a key.
When Tina meets up with the thieves later, she’s upset about the crate and that her brother Max is with them. But since she hasn’t paid her babysitter in awhile, Luke had to bring him along. When they open the crate, they find the mummy and assume that means a bigger pay day. Later Max breaks a piece off the amulet and the mummy starts strolling around. Soon the mummy is turning women into his wives and when the buyer shows up, no one knows where the it’s gone.
The description of the movie says a group of teens steal the amulet, but these guys are nowhere near close to teenagers. It’s hard watching the guy who plays Max. He’s so unconvincing. It’s like he watched What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and wanted to channel Arnie, but ended up channeling a three year old.
Also unconvincing are the randomly inserted lines of what is supposed to be humor. None of it is funny so you start questioning if other non-funny scenes are supposed to be humorous. At one point, Max gets injured and blood is streaming out of his head as if from a garden hose. This was the only time I laughed because the blood stream was so over the top. Was it supposed to be funny? Based on his sister sobbing and the sad music, I guess not.
Also if you hope for anything like the dvd covert to appear, you’ll be sorely disappointed. No motorcycles, no Jeep, no guns, no desert, no glowing mummy eyes, and no pyramids. They never leave England and the mummy wears a rubber mask. I don’t remember any CGI in this film so if it was, it wasn’t much and wasn’t that good. It’s another in a long line of not very interesting bad movies that makes me wonder why I watched it. Oh yes, I keep hoping something hysterically ridiculous will happen. It usually doesn’t.
 |
| What the hell is on the table? |
 |
| Yeah, the mummy’s walking outside. |
 |
| Why is Tina’s hair always a total mess |
 |
| It’s hard to take the mummy seriously when he give his wife a headpiece of soft fabric rather than gold. |
 |
| From out of nowhere, this happens |
 |
| The least threatening larpers |
 |
| This was my favorite shot in the film. Drone above over the woods |
 |
| Oh damn, the headpiece gets worse. Since when do ancient Egyptians use Velcro? |
 |
| Ladies and gentlemen, your mummy and amulet |
No comments:
Post a Comment