Friday, December 13, 2013

Clones of Bruce Lee (1977)

Gold smuggling, drug shipments, and Bruce Lee clones. What do these things have in common?  I have no freakin' idea.  I'm not sure if I was day dreaming at some point or if they just never bothered to explain things. So I'm really of no use here.

What I can tell you is that Colin of the SBI (Special Branch of Investigation) releases the recently deceased Bruce Lee's body to  Professor Lucas who needs Bruce's DNA to make clones.  Once the clones appears (which is pretty damn quick), the professor  slaps a collander on their heads to exert mind control and instructs them to obey only him. Then Bruce Lee 1 goes undercover as an actor - which doesn't seem like a great undercover operation since he's supposedly Bruce Lee -  and the other two Bruce's on a mission with Chuck, a third guy who looks just like them, but isn't a clone.

For some reason Bruce 2 and 3 are to go after Dr. Nye, who can turn men into bronze. Ah yes, the ultimate fighting machine, as every evil scientist deems their particular brand of indestructable man.

From here out we have lots of fighting, and even less sense than the beginning of the film.  This is a ridiculous movie with three Bruce clones and another guy named Chuck who has the same haircut, same sunglasses, same build as Bruce 2 and 3, and could also pass for a clone. In fact, sometimes you'll get them confused when the three of them are standing together.  See that poster above?  Only two of those guys are clones.  

And why doesn't Bruce 1 ever hang out with Bruce 2 and 3? Were they not able to get them on the set at the same time?  And why not cast someone who looks different as Chuck?  And why do the bronze men have to be in only their underwear? Couldn't they have gotten swimsuits or something less disturbing for them to wear?

There is footage of the crowds at Bruce Lee's funeral, close ups of still photos of Bruce, and brief footage of Bruce wearing his sunglasses.  The movie stars a plethora of Bruce's -  Bruce Le, Bruce Lai, Dragon Lee and Bruce Thai - and Bolo (who was in Enter the Dragon).

The sound effects are ridiculous.  If you look away when during the fights, you'll swear someone is punching Curley from the Three Stooges.  This is a movie that you'll either find mind boggling and amusing, or stupid and boring.

Ridiculous dialogue:

"The clones of Bruce Lee. What a scientific achievement this will be."

"Couldn't you be a bit more explicit?"   ( the appropriate word would be specific)

"You have a new life.  Your name is Bruce Lee 2 and you will do as I say.... Take him to the recuperating room and bring in Bruce Lee 3."  - Professor Lucas

"They run and they hide! They are frightened of my steel men. ahahahah. " - Dr. Nye

"The professors gone made! He's already ordered two of the Bruce Lee's to fight to the death."

Can you tell which one isn't a clone?
Isn't it obvious? Chuck is on the left.
Bruce Lee 1, who doesn't work with the other clones
The incredible clone computer
Nothing says clone mind control like a collander
The pre-broken board (lined up with his fist)
Someone really likes Paris
The least threatening foe? White guy in a track suit.
No one needs to see this.
Why does Dr. Ray have a kiddie slide at his hideout?
Nothing says luxury like a portable cassette player
The achilles heel of bronzemen

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