Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Raiders of Atlantis (1983)

aka Atlantis Inferno; Atlantis Interceptors; 

Hey-o! So far I'm digging the 50 Movie Sci-Fi Invasion box set I picked up for a mere $10.  First Hands of Steel, now this one?  Even if everything else is unwatchable, it's been worth the price.   Here's another crazy Italian action movie with a motorcycle gang right out of Mad Max, except they're from Atlantis. What? Yup, this is one strange film which consists mostly of gun fire and car / motorcycle / bus chases.

Mercenaries Mike and Washington (aka Mohammad) kidnap an old guy and turn him over to the Colonel, who is never seen or referred to again.  After that harrowing experience, Mike and Washington are ready for a vacation and head out on their boat.

Meanwhile over at a platform in the middle of the ocean, a scientific research team lead by nuclear physicist Professor Saunders is trying to raise a Russian submarine from the bottom of the ocean and has discovered an ancient tablet... which leads them to kidnap Dr. Rollins, a PhD in Pre-Colombian dialects who is being asked to decipher the hieroglyphics on the tablet.  I'm not sure a dialect expert is the best choice to review hieroglyphics.

Meanwhile as the submarine rises, there is a storm a-brewing in the ocean and a couple we've never seen before are pondering whether to go back in the house. The answer is obviously yes once the woman is shot in the neck with a dart. Huh?  Nobody expects a Mad Max motorcycle gang of the descendants of Atlantis in Miami, but all of a sudden here they are and they're ready to destroy everything in sight.

The final note in these messy seemingly unrelated segments is a huge island under a dome rising from the ocean.  Based on the title, this must be the island of Atlantis.

With the disastrous weather wrecking the platform and hitting the boat, everyone who survives ends up on the island, which has been destroyed by the bikers. This is very confusing.  So has Atlantis, which has been under water in a dome, somehow become modernized at a rate similar to the non-underwater world in Florida?  Were the Interceptors aka the bikers living on Atlantis, or in Miami? If they weren't in Atlantis, how did they get over there? If there were on Atlantis, then how did they get the motorcycles? And why did they kill everyone on the island and burn the buildings? Aren't those their people?  What the hell is going on here?

It's best just not to question it and go with the flow. Mike and the group on the boat must try to fight their way through the Interceptors who are looking for Dr. Rollins as she's key to their return. You'll forget they're on the island until the dome starts closing.  It's a smash bang movie and worth a watch if you're into ridiculous 1980s Italian action movies.

Don't miss the song, Black Inferno.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Dr. Saunders- Welcome aboard, Dr. Rollins.
Dr. Rollins- Aboard what?

Mike- What is that thing?
Dr. Rollins- I don't think you'd understand.
Mike- Oh, all sailors are guys like Popeye, huh? All we do is eat spinach.
Dr. Rollins- I like spinach, too.

Dr. Rollins- It's terrible, Mike. It's like living something unreal.
Mike- Unfortunately, it's all true.

Mohammad - Can't move. We're immobilized. (stated to explain why the characters can't extricate themselves from the situation)

The Love Boat has nothing to do with the rest of the film
All the best mercenaries wear button up
collared shirts, ties and a lightweight jacket.
The incredibly ancient artifact from the bottom of the sea
The Russian sub (not a toy) being raised
from the bottom of the ocean.
Argh! Something has happened and our fake
control panels are useless!
The creepy skull mask is overshadowed by his
apparent neck injury - awkward.
The incredible domed city of Atlantis
No need to worry about the fire right next to the car
Mad Max style cars and motorcycles... from Atlantis
Introducing the young good looking guy to the cast
Leather pants up to your nipples? Nothing gay about that.
Damn the people of Atlantis aren't the best artists
Reusing old sets from outer space movies

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