Sunday, June 20, 2021

Amityville Witches (2020)

aka Witches of Amityville

After three old witches are put to death in the 1600s while mumbling about Nosferatu, we are catapulted into present day where Jessica is heading to Amityville Academy.  She's not at all suspicious that she received an invitation to the academy even though she never applied for entry.  Jessica's roommate didn't apply either, and is equally excited to be there.

As with all unwanted invitations, it is best to decline. For later that night, they are dragged from their beds by the other girls.  They plan to kill Jessica and her roommate on order from the headmistress Dominique Markham. Turns out it's an academy for witches and sacrifices are needed to release the demon.

Lucky for Jessica, she's the reincarnation of a witch from the 1600s and is rescued by the three witches in the opening scene, who are somehow alive in the current day.  They're good witches and are keeping an eye on Dominique since she's a bad witch.  Basically the rest of the movie is the two sides fighting, but not in any exciting way.

Silly things that happen are:

  • the academy is supposed to be a five minute walk from the road, but it takes Jessica until after dark to get there
  • the witches position a bowl under a girls neck and cut her throat.  the blood spurts in an arc that completely misses the bowl
  • a new student pushes on a closed door to see if it will open rather than trying the doorknob. She walks away when it doesn't open.
  • Jessica accepts without question that she is the reincarnation of an old witch 
  • one of the witches pronounces lineage as lin-age. How was this not reshot?
And it's unclear in what country the academy is located.  The steering wheels in the cars are on the right hand side. Yet the only people with a British accent are Dominique and the taxi driver.  


Ridiculous Dialogue:
Catherine - Were you surprised to get your invite to Amityville Academy?
Jessica - Yes, because I never actually applied.

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