aka Swarm
Surprisingly, this is not a comedy. But it does have some unintentionally hilarious dialogue, stereotypical characters, and ridiculous situations. Here are our main characters:
- Cassie - mother who is too busy with work to pay attention to her teenage daughter
- Jamie - teen who think she knows better than mom
- Pilot - this is his last flight before retirement
- Paul - college student pounding shots in the lounge and obnoxious drunk on plane
- Ken - sick of having to take care of and apologize for Paul
- Kayla - newly engaged flight attendant
- Ethan Hart - single hunky Air Marshall
- Jason - misogynist ignorant hick
- Beverly - sweet, pretty, married to Jason and about to be surprised he's a jerk
An obnoxious American boards a plane in Colombia rather than heed the advice of a doctor. I'm not sure why he would go to a doctor if he was going to ignore their diagnosis. He keeps asserting that he feels bad due to drinking muddy water and he's getting on that plane. And what the hell is he doing drinking brown water anyway? Never do that, not even in your own town.
Shortly after the flight starts, he vomits on another passenger and is then covered with ants. It’s very confusing. How did those ants get on him? Did he vomit ants onto himself? Why aren't they on anyone else? The mystery is solved when Ethan attempts to give him CPR and discovers the ants are coming from a hole in his chest. More confusion abounds. Shouldn't the passenger have noticed this?
So that's what we're dealing with and now we have ants on a plane. But not just any ants. These are Black Bullet Ants, whose venom is the most painful in the world.
Thankfully this plane has an expert in the exact problem that plagues it. Passenger Cassie is an entomologist who works for the Center for Disease Control. She is concerned about the ants since it isn't normal for them to burrow through a human chest. When the pilot calls for an emergency landing, the air traffic controller scoffs and tells them ants are not a priority. Maybe they should be since they've already murdered a man and an expert from a government agency is telling you landing the plane is a necessity.
Soon the ants have sabotaged the wiring, fuel line, autopilot, gauges, and seem to be making calculated attacks on the passengers and crew. No one will authorize the plane to land since they don't want the ants in their town. Whatever will they do?
General nonsense follows including, but not limited to:
- Jason pushes for survival of the fittest and doesn't care if others die. Then later protests "you're killing him" when a passenger covered with ants is locked in the restroom
- How did Beverlys miss all the red flags and character flaws that Jason has? It's not like he was likable before things went badly.
- Hank and Cassie get flirty at the worst time. She's mixing toxic chemicals and any mistake in her calculations could kill them all. And why are you flirting when everyone's life is at stake?
- Hank and Cassie walk through 1-2 inches of jet fuel on the cargo floor, which would surely burn their skin and now they're going to track this mess back up into the passenger compartment. The fumes would be dangerous.
- the military can't complete their mission of blowing up the plane because a news crew shows up
- They find a dog in the cargo area and give it to Cassies teenage daughter Jamie. Shouldn't they make sure it isn't owned by one of the living passengers?
- Jamie decides to change the dogs name from Buddy to Lucky, showing us that she has no concern for the dogs ability to adapt to a name change midstream in his life
- the actress who played Beverly was also in Snakes on a Plane, so hurrah!
Ridiculous Dialogue:
I'm sorry that I need to work so hard that I can buy expensive things like iPods. - Carrie, passive aggressively to her daughter
Captain, these ants aren't normal!
These ants could be extremely dangerous.
These aren't normal ants. They killed a passenger.
The captain's been attacked by ants!
If my survival comes at the price of someone else being hurt, so be it.
I should have listened to you. These ants are a lot more dangerous than I thought.
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