Hollows Grove (2104)

When Harold gets dumped, his friend Tim allows him to make a documentary about Tim's ghost hunting show.  Per the exposition (which Tim shouldn't have to tell Harold since they're friends), we find out that the show has been on the air for five years.  In the entire time they've been investigating haunted locations, they've never encountered any paranormal activity. When Harold questions the footage he's seen on the show, Tim explains it's all done by Bill their effects guy.  He and his co-host just play along and act scared.

The teams next investigation is an abandoned orphanage where ghosts are rumored to walk the halls. One of them is said to be a seven year old child who likes to slit peoples throats.

When Harold and Tim arrive at the location, the caretaker bars them from entering the building.  Even though they have the proper permits, he won't allow them inside because the place is truly haunted and they shouldn't risk their lives.  But I guess he's not totally committed to their safety since Tim is able to convince the caretaker that everything will be fine.

On their first foray into the building, they hear strange noises and assume Bill is doing a bang up job with his effects. This is a strange assumption since the caretaker already mentioned that he refused Bill entry to the premises.

Based on the obnoxiousness of the hosts, its hard to believe this show could be successful.  But not as hard to believe as a successful ghost hunting show allowing a behind the scenes documentary maker to film them talking about how everything on their show is fake.  It's the kiss of death for their career and puts at risk any future revenue from the convention circuit, dvd sales and re-runs.

The movie is bookended by an FBI agent who sternly explains that the found footage is all that is left. No one knows exactly what happened.  The movie contains it's fair share of video glitches to simulate that it's truly hand shot video.  This is incredibly annoying and I wish found footage movies would stop doing this.  Also does digital filming have these same glitches, or it is just video tape?

Also if you can see a herd of ghost children while using the night vision on your camera, why wouldn't you use said camera to see if they are still in the hallway?  If you've locked yourself in a room, you don't just walk out using your naked eye to see if the ghost kids are still there. You can only see them with

Oh and did I just see Lance Henriksens seventy year old ass as he reenacts a talking butt that is a cross between Ace Ventura and goatse?  Yes...yes, I did.  It was horrifying before the realization that it was Lance, but it left us all asking why Lance, why?

The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008)

Based on witness Dale S. Rogers  reports of a wild man, the movie follows Rogers, his wheelchair bound wife, and her caretaker.  Rogers leaves dead animals on his porch as an offering to the wild man, so that the creature won't attack anyone.  Since Rogers doesn't allow people on his land and the creature is happy and full, everything should be okay.

But when Rogers loses his job, he resorts to charging hunters for use of his property. Before you know it, one of them shoots the creature, and all bets are off.

While this film is no doubt a labor of love and they've successfully given it a grind house feel, we couldn't get through more than twenty minutes of it.  The other two people who were watching count Texas Chainsaw Massacre as one of their top ten favorite movies, but the slow pace and mundane, low key dialogue couldn't keep our interest.  It was really disappointing since Kim Henkel produced the film. Plus I'm always up for movies with any cryptozoological creatures.

The Battery (2012)

After some sort of zombie apocalypse, Ben and Mickey travel through New England, scavenging for supplies and trying to avoid zombies. Mickey is a bit shell shocked and longs for his girlfriend, the comforts of a home, and to stop running.  Ben is more adept at their current lifestyle.  He sees a need to remain in motion so they never get trapped.  Since Mickey is adverse to killing zombies, Ben takes on this role and protects them both.

The two are traveling together out of convenience.  They were a pitcher and catcher on a minor league ball team, and are the only ones who survived whatever happened.

After Mickey hears two people talking via the walkie talkies he found, he tries to make contact.  But they are not interested and tell him to get off their channel, don't contact them again, and don't try to locate them.  Since they don't want to be found, Ben wants to leave item alone, but Mickey longs for companionship and keeps trying to contact Annie, the girl they overheard.  In the aftermath of an apocalypse, it's probably best to stay away from people who tell you they don't want to be found.

If you go into this film expecting a lot of zombie action, you'll be sorely disappointed.  It's about Ben and Mickey's interactions, and the difference in personality.  These are two people who wouldn't have been friends, but are forced together due to circumstances. Mickey's a nice guy, but unable to deal with this situation and spends his time escaping into music. He leaves killing zombies and scavenging to Mickey, who is a jerk, but more survival oriented than Mickey.  

There are long scenes with no dialogue, and the scenes with dialogue are mostly a character study.  Ben has no problem killing, and even forces Mickey to kill by locking him a room with a zombie.   But Mickey's sensitivity puts them in danger because he is unable to make decisions based on survival, rather than need for human contact.  

This movie isn't for everyone.  The film is a bit longer than I would have liked, clocking in at one hundred minutes, and I must admit there were some times where I fast forwarded in the movie.  So if you are looking for a different type of zombie movie, and are okay with movies based on dialogue rather than action, then maybe you'll like this.  I didn't love it, but didn't hate it either.

All Hallow's Eve (2013)

Sarah is babysitting two young teens on Halloween. When Timmy dumps out his sack of candy, he discovers someone has given him a VHS tape.  Both Timmy and his sister want to watch it, but Sarah is reluctant since it's potentially creepy to dump an unlabeled VHS into a kids bag on Halloween.

But although Sarah has the best of intentions, she's not that great a baby sitter.  The kids vote 2 to 1 to watch the tape and she relents, with the caveat that she'll check it out first.  Even though the beginning is a creepy old basement, an asylum, and weirdo clown, Sarah decides the twelve year olds can watch the film and she'll just take it out if things get too scary -  not really a decision Sarah should be making for someone else children.

Within the first few minutes of the tape, a strange clown drugs a young woman in a bus station. Apparently Sarah doesn't realize this is something that may cause children to have nightmare and they continue watching the tape.

In the video, the woman wakes up chained in a basement with two other women. They tell her that whatever is in the building uses the chains to drag people down to the lower level.  At this point, Sarah decides to shut off the tape... of course she doesn't. Because that would make too much sense. Instead Sarah averts her eyes and lets the carnage on screen continue. No concern for the children who are watching this crap ever enters her cranium.  Oh Sarah, you're such a terrible babysitter.

The movie is an anthology, not my favorite type of film.  There are three segments, all of which feature the creepy clown.  The first part is with the girl in the chains.  The second involves a woman who's just moved to a house in the country. Her lights go out, her car dies, a strange glowing object comes down from the sky and someone in moving about in her house.

The third section focuses on a costume designer heading home from a movie location.  She stops at an isolated gas station and witnesses the proprietor kicking a creepy clown off the premises.  But you just know that clown is going to show up later and cause trouble.

Not digging this one.  The clown is creepy but he's also annoying and kind of stupid looking.  You just want to pop him right in the mouth. And while the third segment is probably fairly accurate regarding how someone would react in the situations the woman is in, it doesn't mean it's not annoying as hell to hear her screaming all the time.

Agency of Vengeance: Dark Rising (2013)

When a sand worm crashes Summer's wedding and eats her fiancé, the Agency of Vengeance goes on the alert....hell, with a description like that, it sounds ridiculously awesome.  Sadly it's not. It's more like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, but with  bikinis.

Summer works at the Rising Dark Agency, alongside her ex Jason.  The group sets out to determine who killed her fiancé, and stop the increase in supernatural activity that is occurring.  They get intel from an unwilling informant named Bulo, a weirdo that provides lame comic relief.

This is one of those movies where it's not terrible, but it's not good either. It tries to be funny, but isn't. This is the fourth movie in the Dark Rising franchise, so someone enjoys it.  Also what's up with the photoshop on the cover? There's something off about the way the head sits on the neck.

Clean (2005)

Clean is about a disenfranchised asshat who spends his days wearing bikini underwear in his mostly empty apartment while his voiceover rants about life, society, people, whatever - he hates it all. And to make him even more repulsive, he enjoys killing people.

He somehow connects online with a bunch of other murders who meet up once a year to talk about their murderous exploits and enjoy killing someone. I know people manage to find others online for every weird sick twisted thing they could be into, but how the heck would you be able to ascertain that the group wasn't a set up by law enforcement?  Also if you're inviting a killer into your midst, there is no guarantee he won't kill you, which the group is soon to find out.

The characters in the film are annoying and unlikable.  They also aren't very bright since they are making tapes of their murders and selling them to other people.  When the instruct everyone in attendance to put on their masks, I expected something that would cover their heads. Instead they put on bandanas, like bank robbers out of the 1800s.  Also not a good idea? Calling themselves by their real names and mentioning the introduction on their video that they have a murder club.

The sound is a bit off some of the time. So I guess they should have paid more attention to their ADR.  The movie was filmed in Quebec and everyone has a French Canadian accent, which makes things even more distracting when the lips are slightly off from the sound.

Ridiculous dialogue:
"Our stupid leaders are a bunch of faggots and fruitcakes."

This move includes many strange shots from unnecessary angles

We don't need so much footage of this guy in bikini underwear.

No one will ever recognize me due to this brilliant disguise.

Zombeavers (2014)

Three friends go away for a girls only weekend, which was originally a couples weekend until ones boyfriend cheated on her. The first night, surprise!  The boys have driven up to join them, and awkward exchanges ensue before they are allowed to stay.

The next day they head to the pond to get some sun, swim, and hang out on the raft.  Everything is going great until the beavers show up.  No one takes the critters seriously, because well they're beavers.  But these beavers have been infected by toxic waste caused by a barrel which bounced off a truck and made its way down river until coming to rest on their lodge.

Racing back to their cabin, the kids lock themselves in and try to figure out what to do.  It's never a good thing when a zombie bites you, and a zombie beaver is no different.  Havoc and carnage ensues.

This horror/comedy has a great title, premise, and trailer, but the film didn't live up to it's potential.  Perhaps I expected too much from it, but it just seemed like it could have either been funnier or scarier, or both.  I did like the animation in the credits though.

Mother's Day Massacre (2007)

Teenager Jim lives with his creepy, degenerate, abusive father.  His mother disappeared so long ago he doesn't even remember her. After some particularly upsetting interactions with Jim's dad, his  girlfriend Doreen does a google search and finds information on Jim's missing mom.  Well that was easy.

Doreen insists on a road trip to try to locate his mother.  So Jim, Doreen, and two other couples head off an a weekend adventure to see what they can find.  The other couples are happy to be on the trip because a month ago they saw a field of pot which they think will be ready to harvest. Yeah, that's a fantastic idea. I'm sure nothing bad would ever come from that. And what an incredible coincidence that they just happened to be in the same area where Jim's missing mom may be.

While stopped at a rundown gas station, the kid pumping their gas warns them not to go to the end of the road where the pineys live because they'll mess you up.  One warning from a creepy stranger later, the group is pulling up to a group of abandoned homes and exiting their SUV.  Are they stopping to stretch their legs? Is this address Jim's mothers last known address?  Are they at the end of the road?  They don't really talk about it.  One guy suggests they play hide and seek, and the others want to explore the abandoned buildings.

They split up to explore, which is never a good idea when you have no idea what might be waiting for you in the abandoned buildings.  In one, they find a big dead dog which is essentially a pile of bones, blood, and guts. Surprisingly, it doesn't stop them from heading to the third floor, or making a hasty exit. Stupid kids. And we're off - time for killer hillbillies and people who repeatedly make bad decisions.

While the production is decent, there is an issue with the sound. Sometimes you can't understand what the actors are saying, and in the scene at the gas station, the noise of passing traffic is louder than the dialogue.  Also is there ever going to be a movie that doesn't use the cliche of teens in an abandoned building thinking it's a good idea to have sex on a filthy old couch?

When all but two of your characters aren't likable, you'd better have an engaging script or something to sell the story.  But there's nothing here other than disturbing people and questionable decisions.  The mother of the crazy hillbillies is over the top, chewing on the scenery every time she's on the screen.  Characters think it's funny to piss on someones bed, the floor, or another person.  And most importantly, this film has nothing to do with Mothers Day.

Eyes of a Stranger (1981)

Plucky reporter Jane Harris is fixated on the recent murders of multiple young women.  She's so wrapped up in it that each newscast Jane interrupts others and goes off script, accompanied by the eye rolling of her co-anchors.  She urges their viewers to report any strange encounters to the police.

Janes younger sister Tracy lives with her. When Jane's boyfriend asks her to live with him,  Jane brushes him off because she believes he'll come to think of Tracy as a burden. When there were  children, Tracy was kidnapped. When located, she was deaf, mute, and blind.  With proper foreshadowing, Jane notes that doctors could find nothing physically wrong with Tracy, so it seems to stem from mental trauma.

At a downtown Miami strip club, the bartender tells a waitress that  he's nervous about her walking home alone due to all this hubbub about young women being murdered in town.  The waitress seals her fate by cracking, "Don't worry, Al. If I can handle this place, I can get myself home in one piece."

While she does manage to get home in one piece and watch Shock Waves on TV, she is the target of a series of threatening phone calls. Thinking back on our intrepid reporters advice, she reports the calls to the police and says she thinks she's in danger.

Even though a serial killer is actively dispatching ladies in the city, the police sigh at the inconvenience of the sixth call of the night from a hysterical woman who watched the news.  They promise to stop by the apartment the next morning and take a report.  Our poor waitress hangs up the phone and ponders which dress to wear to her own funeral.

Meanwhile Jane arrives home late that night and pulls into her parking spot in the apartment complexes garage. A few minutes later another car pulls in nearby and she notices a man looking around nervously.  He changes into a new shirt, and throws his stained shirt into the garbage. Hmmm... late night... shifty guy.... stained shirt... murders.  Jane wonders if perhaps the killer is living in her apartment complex.

She becomes convinced the man, named Herbert Stanley, is the killer.  Well, his name could very well be the source of his rage since both first and last names conjure up the image of a slight teen in high-water pants with slicked down hair and overly large glasses.  

Jane is going full on sleuth mode and annoying her boyfriend with the constant "I know he's the killer" talk.  Her boyfriends concern proves justified when Jane takes it upon herself to call Herbert and tell him she knows what he did.  Even though she's a freakin' reporter on the nightly news in Miami, it doesn't occur to her to disguise her voice.  It also doesn't occur to her that calling someone a "phone freak" is pretty specific, and heretofore, an unheard of phrase.  Oh Jane, what hell have you wrought.

While it's nothing spectacular, I was entertained.  This flick plays like a made for TV movie, but then out of nowhere there's some swearing, a little  nudity, and a decapitation.  Jane is played by Lauren Tewes, aka Julie from the Love Boat. That's another reason I assumed it must have been made for TV.  The movie introduces Jennifer Jason Leigh as Tracy.  Watch for the weird scene with the stripper swinging her leg around like her knee has no bones.  It's perplexing, slightly horrifying, and probably signals the onset of early joint disease.

Hayride 2 (2015)

Starting where the first movie left off right after the killings at Captain Morgans Halloween hayride, ambulances transport survivors, and those who have expired, to the hospital. Although bag-headed, serial killer Pitchfork was deceased at the end of the first movie, he revives during the ride to continue his reign of terror.

The survivors wait in the quietest hospital emergency room ever.  There's only one nurse, no other patients, and the only people that appear are one or two from the hayride, and a lone  doctor who briefly stops by.  The nurse on duty even has time to talk to one of the characters about how she went to high school with him, and says if he wants to talk about the tragedy, she's there for him. Awkward.

Meanwhile Pitchfork has made his way into the hospital.  Because it's not odd to see a massive guy in farmer jeans with a burlap bag over his head carrying a pitchfork while walking down the hallway in a hospital.  While there are tons of police at the hayride and in the woods, none of them go to the hospital after they learn he's on the loose.  Also Pitchfork kills everyone he meets except for one characters girlfriend.  Why didn't he kill her? And why are the police more concerned about her kidnapping than the murders?

Hayride 2, why do you exist?  It's not like Hayride left any open questions, or was so amazing that the public demanded a second chapter.  And to have the supposedly dead killer come back and stalk survivors at a hospital? It was much better the first time I saw it in Halloween 2.

Even though I'd seen Hayride, the characters weren't memorable other than the farmer who owned the hayride and he's dead. The movie seems to assume we'll remember everyone and doesn't offer much help as to who these people are - other than some brief flashbacks that occur after characters show up. So it's not much help.  Also be prepared for lots of talking, which may lull you into a stupor where you'll being daydreaming.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Midnight (2014)

The streets of Bad City are not the safest place to be, especially at night. There are drugs, crime, and unbeknownst to the townsfolk, there is also a vampire.  The vampire, aka The Girl, walks the streets at night searching for bad people to satiate her appetite for blood.

One night she comes across Arash. He has just left a party and is high on ecstasy.  Arash is basically a good guy, but his life is not easy. His father is a heroin addict and the local drug dealer just took the classic car he worked hard to afford, as payment for his fathers drug debt.

Arash and The Girl strike up an odd relationship. Both he and the Girl are lonely, and are drawn to each other.  This is definitely not your typical vampire movie.

After seeing this title on many top 10 lists for last year, I was curious to see it. Based on the title, I thought something horrible would happen to some poor girl walking alone at night.

The movie is visually appealing. It's shot in black and white, and the cinematography is fantastic.  I truly enjoyed the visual aspect of the film.  But I wasn't all that fond of the movie itself.  It's fairly artsy, and doesn't have much of a plot. While there was violence in the film, and some disturbing images, I didn't find it scary.

REC 4: Apocalypse (2014)

Reporter Angela, who I last remember seeing in peril in the quarantined apartment building, wakes to find herself on a tanker in the middle of the ocean.  She, along with two surviving swat team members who rescued her and an old woman from a wedding party, have been brought here by doctors who want to make sure the virus doesn't spread further. Well, at least that what's they tell them. You know that nothing is as it seems in movies where a mystery virus is wiping out the populace.

Along with our quarantined people, there are doctors working on a cure, a crew to man the tanker, and the muscle to keep everyone from messing up the doctors orders.  The laboratory set up by the doctors causes an undue load on the ship's resources which cause intermittent power outages. During one blackout, an infected monkey escapes the lab and bites the cook. Now everyone on the ship is at risk, and secrets are revealed that change everything.

While the location of a tanker at sea provides similar isolation as the apartment building, there is never that sense of claustrophobia that the first movie had.  Also be aware that this movie is not found footage or shot from someones point of view, which may rub some viewers the wrong way.  I found this the least interesting of the four Rec movies, but the production values are good.  It's not that it's a bad movie, but that it pales in comparison to Rec and Rec 2.

Doom Asylum (1987)

Lawyer Mitch and his girlfriend Judy are celebrating a big win in court, which is unfortunate since they're driving a car and should be paying attention to the road.  One car crash later, Judy is dead and Mitch is in the coroners lab on an autopsy table. But as the coroner opens him up, Mitch starts to twitch and opens his eyes right as they're getting the bone saw for his cranium.  Angry at being cut open, Mitch kills both coroners and wanders off.

Ten years later Kiki, her boyfriend, and three friends stop at the spot where her Mom died ten years ago.  While Kiki and her boyfriend observe the site, the other three remain in the car and yell at them to get going.

The group heads over to the abandoned asylum for a picnic and some sunbathing. Seems like an odd spot, especially in light that there's also a rumor that the asylum is stalked by a crazy killer who used to be a coroner and murders trespassers with autopsy tools.

When they arrive, they hear a crappy all girl band made up of a keyboard player, drummer and singer. Yeah, it's horrible. So they cut off their power, which results in a running feud.  The band taunts our teens as they sunbathe.  Individually the teens keep wandering off never to be seen again.

This movie is pretty bad.  While it's a slasher, it's also a comedy and the comedy isn't funny. The special effects are okay, although not consistent.  It's not clear why the kids think the abandoned asylum would be a good place to sunbathe. No one shall ask why they would lay in the shade rather than the sun.  The blue swimsuit is incredibly unflattering, making a skinny girl look like she has huge hips.

The worst thing about the movie is the accent on the band member with the crimped hair. I think it's supposed to be a French accent but I'm not sure. It isn't consistent, and doesn't sound right, but I thought I heard her say ze in stead of the.

The best thing about the movie is that is was actually filmed in an abandoned asylum.  Not everyone is going to care, but am fascinated by abandoned buildings.  So it was interesting to see footage from inside the asylum.

Order of One: Kung Fu Killing Spree (2006)

Convicted murderer Tony, who claims he is innocent, is being transported to another prison when his police escorts decide to stop at a diner.  It doesn't seem like the best thing to do with a prisoner that is supposedly a killer, but they don't seem too concerned.  So they bring Tony into the diner and for safeties sake,  request his coffee be served in a plastic cup.

Meanwhile on the other side of the diner, reporter Ross is interviewing a man carrying a massive sword. He claims it is the Sword of Destiny, which was somehow forged using the spear that pierced the side of Jesus. Thus the sword gives untold powers to the user.  The sword is being returned to it's protectors, known as The Order.

As if the presence of a murderer and a giant sword don't make this the worst diner to visit, three women - who look like one of the Bangles, one of the Manson family girls, and your best friends Mom - and start shooting up the joint.  Tony uses this moment to run outside and steal a car, that turns out to be owned by reporter Ross who throws himself through the window.

On the other side of town, Asian crime boss Mr. Park is also looking for the sword and gets word that it has escaped from the clutches of his minions.  More minions are dispatched with orders to get the sword at all costs.  

Tony and Ross drive around while they argue about returning the sword to The Order, fight with Parks minions, and begrudgingly become buddies out of convenience.  So this ought to work out well.

Any time someone can complete a movie, I have an appreciation of the time and effort that was involved.  But overall, I wouldn't recommend this. It's not that interesting and while the fights are okay for a low budget film, they're more what you'd see at an amateur martial arts competition - okay if you're watching a competition, but not if you're watching a video.

There are a few good stunts though.  Most of the actors appear to have martial arts training.  The fight scenes tend to be overly long and although there are some good combinations of moves, they tend to be done too slowly to be effective.  There are a few good fights near the end of the film. I'm not sure if the scenes are sped up or if the actors just got more fluid with their movements as they went along.

Mentally challenged or kung fu face? You make the call.

Yup, so that's a thing.

The sword has power and causes flashbacks

Be afraid of the unexpected nudity of Tony's prison butt. 

Dee Dee Ramone?

There are some decent stunts in this film.

Tony is pissed.

Get used to this angle because you'll see it a lot.
Also note that this is obviously a set rather than real walls.

Leprechaun: Origins (2014)

Two couples vacationing in Ireland decide to visit a small Irish town. Their driver leaves them at a large rock covered with symbols and tells them they must traverse the rest of the way by foot because he doesn't want to go into town.  No suspicions are raised by this behavior.

When they arrive in town, they visit the local pub to get a drink.  As Sophie talks about her college plans next year and her interest in historical research, a local man named Hamish turns to them. He tells them if they're interested in history, there is a site they should see that is not in any of the guidebooks.

Only Sophie's boyfriend is hesitant, but since he's outvoted, the couples gladly accept a ride from Hamish and his son.   The site is a seven mile walk and since it's toward the end of the day, Hamish has kindly offered the use of a cabin where the kids can stay for the night.

No one is suspicious that the house has a padlock on the outside of the front door. They just troop into the home like lemmings, as the viewer awaits the inevitable discovery that they are locked in the cabin and a leprechaun wants them dead.  In another twist on our leprechaun tale, years ago the town stole all the leprechauns gold and in penance they provide him with people to consume.  

No one shall ask why the townsfolk don't move (since the creature is confined to a specific area by stone monuments and couldn't follow them).  Also please don't even consider how much a leprechaun can eat. It kills numerous people, but leaves them essentially whole. Is it a really picky eater? Stupid leprechaun.

Based on the title of the film, I thought this was going to be a prequel to all the other leprechaun movies. But this has nothing to do with them.  It's essentially a remake, which unfortunately eliminates any humor and becomes just another slasher with kids in a cabin in the woods - and not an original one at that. Also there's that pesky problem where they've eliminated anything that looks like a leprechaun.

The only way we know this is monster is a leprechaun is because they tell us it is, and the film is called Leprechaun.  The Irish characters are dressed like they're right out of the potato famine, but our title creature looks more like a cross between a goblin and an insane chimpanzee.  If they made the exact same movie but there was no mention of Ireland and no accents, this could be a movie about an alien, a goblin, or a mutant.

mutant-alien-goblin-chimp-rechaun

Infestation (2009)

In the process of getting fired from a job that his Dad got for him, Cooper loses consciousness and wakes a few days later to find himself still in the office and within a cocoon of webbing.   After freeing himself, he notices the office is full of unconscious co-workers in cocoons.

Freeing those around him from their web prisons, Cooper tries  to figure out what happened. It appears that the city has been invaded by giant bugs. The streets are deserted and after a few run ins with the killer creatures, they discover the bugs are attracted by sound.

Cooper becomes infatuated with the bosses daughter Sara, while weather girl Cindy sets her sites on Cooper which becomes quite awkward since she's used to getting what she wants.

After spending the night in the office, the next day they head out to see if any of their loved ones are still alive.  On their trip, they run into more bugs, and deal with fighting within the group which threatens their existence.

This is a fun film that takes it's influence from monster movies.  The characters are mostly likable and you root for them to survive. I wasn't expecting much from this, but it was a pleasant surprise.

Next of Kin (1989)

Big city policeman and former hillbilly Truman is living in style with his music teacher wife, who announces her pregnancy by strapping a teddy bear to a dining room chair. Surprise! Happy hillbilly times for all.

Truman's younger brother has been working in the city, but city life isn't for him. So he's planning on moving back to Appalachia in a few weeks when he's saved enough money to buy his own truck.  In movie speak, this means he is marked for death.

When Truman accompanies his brothers body back home for the funeral, he asks his kin to let the law take it's course and catch the killer. But brother Briar wants hillbilly justice, which involves a mob of kinfolk and lots of killing.  Don't mess with hillbillies. They all come running and you end up all sorts of dead.

When Truman's method of justice isn't quick enough, Briar takes it on himself to seek revenge.  He navigates the streets surprisingly well for a backwoods hillbilly without a map who has never been to the city before.  He also happens to pick the one flop house where the proprietor can be trusted to follow through on his request to call his hillbilly brethren should he disappear, instead of ransacking his room.

Patrick Swayze plays Truman, a tough but honest man who follows the rules until pushed past the breaking point.  But the more interesting character is revenge seeking Briar played by Liam Neeson.  When he comes to the city, you'd much rather watch him calmly seek revenge than watch Truman play it by the book or his wife freak out when paint is thrown in her face by a mobster.

It's a fun movie to watch with friends, and part of the enjoyment is the cast which, along with Swayze and Neeson, includes Helen Hunt, Ben Stiller, Adam Baldwin, Michael J. Pollard, and Bill Paxton.

Flying Monkeys (2014)

It's the day of Kayleys high school graduation, but her Dad is nowhere to be seen.  So it's just one in a long history of disappointments for Kayley, who isn't impressed with Dad's excuse that he got stuck in traffic. To give some perspective, they live in farm country and Dad was too busy working to leave on time and got stuck behind a tractor.

To make up for this huge error in judgement, Dad heads to the local pet store to see if he can buy Kayley something special. He's in luck because the owner just happens to have a Capuchin monkey.  Dad is so excited about this exotic pet that he neglects to ask such questions as: what does it eat; what kind of care does it need; and how the hell did a Capuchin monkey end up  in a town so small it had a graduating class of twelve?

It turns out the store owner has a monkey smuggling business and this was in the latest shipment.  But this monkey is different since it killed a man and ate all the other animals on the flight from overseas to the middle of Kansas. Yes, that's right - Kansas, home of flying monkeys since the Wizard of Oz.

Kayley is delighted with her new monkey and Dad is positively giddy to be back in her good graces.  But the first night in his new home, our little monkey transforms into a strange winged monkey monster and flies off in search of blood, preferably human.

Half way through the movie, I was wondering why the title referred to multiple monkeys, when their was only one flying monkey in the movie.  Fear not, since shortly after this observation, a farmer shot the winged creature which resulted in the creation of another monkeys. That's right. These are ancient weirdo monkeys who duplicate themselves when shot. You can see where this is going and it's not good for any of us.

Pretty soon monkeys are duplicating all over the place and people in town are being murdered.  But no one is going to believe it's a shape shifting little Capuchin monkey, who is really an ancient being that can only be killed with ancient weapons blessed by ancient people.

This is typical Syfy channel level stuff. Actually now that I think about it, the movie was better than many of the Syfy movies. So if you're in the mood for mindless entertainment, and aren't that concerned about CGI or just want some noise in the background, then you may want to check it out.

Storm of the Dead (2006)

After a category five hurricane hits Florida, the government activates the Florida militia to keep the peace. Their main job seems to be tracking down looters with instructions to either arrest them, or kill them if they resist. But when three of the militia kill a young man whose grandmother is a voodoo queen, they come to an untimely end.

Meanwhile back at militia headquarters, Dani a middle aged female soldier and Red an ambiguously gay male have an arm wrestling match which ends in with a very awkward interaction involving threats and sexual harassment. The lily livered male trembles as he says, "You're scaring me."   So he ought to be a great resource on any mission.

The Captain of  militia assigns our hero Hutchinson on a top secret mission. He is to lead a search party into the swamps to find the three team members who went missing.  Since there have been no casualties in the militia since the enactment of martial law, Hutchinson is instructed that if he discovers the men are dead, he needs to keep it quiet.   Counter intuitive to these orders, he is also commanded to take local weather girl Lisa Hicks on the mission. Because nothing says keep this under wraps like bringing along a news person with a video camera.

The group goes tromping through the swamps and woods looking for the missing men.  In fact, be prepared for a lot of walking because you'll see more than enough of it padding out this movie.  There's also a lot of sitting around, making small talk, and painful banter by characters that aren't that interesting.

This movie is a typical low budget video. For the most part, the acting would be at home in a local amateur theater. There are some awkward scenes where it sounds like people are reading their lines because they're trying too hard.  There is also a scene where they open a shed door to reveal an unflattering shot of a naked woman.  It adds insult to injury when they hurriedly shut the door.

Sometimes the sound gets so low that you can't hear the dialogue. You can't understand anything said by the hurricane reporter at the beginning of the film because there's too much wind.  Later there are more dialogue problems when a character pronounces the word amulet as emlet. I'm not sure if it was due to his mumbling, or he truly didn't know how to pronounce it.

Based on the title and a description which stated all hell would break lose when the voodoo queen lost her grandson, it sounded like there would be more than one zombie in the film. And it's a voodoo zombie, which are the lesser of the types of zombies. I can't even remember if he kills someone or just munches on an arm that his voodoo grandma ripped off one of her victims.

Note that his microphone in a plastic bag.  So that and the
wind are probably why you can't hear a word he says. 

The credits are filled with photos from real disasters.

The female militia likes to arm wrestle while wearing a bikini

Floating head of self satisfaction

The militia's... lodge?

The face paint is surprisingly effective camouflage

Yikes! I wasn't expecting that.

Optical illusion - it's a little alien with no arms or legs 

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!

Stock footage of a gator? We got it.

The Gaping Mouth of Death

Even though they all died by different methods, they all have the same facial expression...  mouth agape and a stupid expression.

Electrocuted with mouthful of suds - Shriek of the Mutilated

Choked on large strawberry - The Silencer

Eaten by chemically altered mutant - Death Factory

Heart attack after being manhandled by zombie -
Kiss Daddy Goodbye