Saturday, March 29, 2014

Attila (2013)

The military grab a box containing the riches of Attila the Hun,  and trouble comes a-knocking at their door in the form of an invincible growling son of Attila.  Hijinks ensue.

Things go terribly wrong when the box is brought to a military lab staffed by a man with no concept of how to handle ancient artifacts. The man and his supervisor open the box without benefit of masks, respirators, or  gloves.  There could be toxic mold or fungi, and you don't want to touch or breathe that stuff.

Our idiot lab guy examines the item, which appears to have a face (although no one notices this), and makes the even bigger mistake of poking and prodding the thing with his bare fingers.  Sigh, he's putting his fingers into the pointy teeth area of the face and trying to pry the thing open... oh, there we go!  He's cut himself and the blood is dripping into the things mouth.  That's a sure fire way to bring something evil to life and you can guarantee whatever it is will try to kill everything it sees.

Soon the raging son of Attila, in a cheap mask, is walking and running all over the place, while the military tries to kill him. But bullets can't harm this supernatural creature so they've got their work cut out for them.  Listen as the Attila monster screams "Rarrrrr" repeatedly, and the leader of the military unit throws out cliches such as, "I didn't sign up for this."

The film consists mostly of the military chasing the monster Attila and failing. The end involves a secret government project gone wrong, (doesn't it always).  It's another Asylum production which follows the formula of great concept but boring execution.  The biggest question I have about this movie is how does ancient son of Attila monster man know to cut the gas line and brake line on the Hummer to disable it?

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