Monday, March 24, 2014

Clawed: The Legend of Sasquatch (2005)

aka The Unknown

When three poachers are killed on Echo Mountain, the Sheriff holds a town meeting to discuss what might have ripped the men to shreds.  The Sheriff reports that since Ed, the only survivor, saw what he thought was a grizzly, everyone should stay out of the woods and make sure they're in their homes after dark.  This sends the towns folk up in arms, which you'd think would be about their safety but is summed up by the man who states, "What about the tourists?"

Since Mayor Johnson has already broached the upcoming tourist season with him, the Sheriff is prepared for this question. He  assures the simpletons that the the press won't be digging up anymore monster stories and the tourists will flock to town.  Ahhh, the days before the preponderance of reality TV shows and the resulting tourist boon that comes from the sighting of a ghost or Bigfoot.  If this film was made now, the plot would need to take the opposite tact of keeping the story quiet so tourists stay out of their sleepy little town.

Meanwhile in the local high school, brainy nerd Richard and lunkhead jock Jay are forced to work together on a class project about endangered species.  This seems unfair since no one else has to work together and Mr. Vancamp comes off as kind of a dick when threatening that both will fail if they don't turn in stellar work.  It ought to be a difficult project since the report is due the day after spring break and the two teens hate each other.  The oddest thing about this scene is that suddenly some kid runs up to the door to inform Mr. Vancamp about the slaughter of the poachers.  No idea why that's relevant to the teacher, and apparently it isn't since this revelation goes nowhere.

So what else would two teens who need to do an endangered species project do, but go camping in the woods for the weekend with two girls. Yes, camping in the very woods where three people were ripped to pieces by a grizzly and the Sheriff has forbade anyone from entering.  When Jay's mom hears where they're heading, she nonchalantly tells them to stay away from bears. Oh yeah, good parenting here.

Heading into the woods at the same time are survivor Ed and a few of his other poaching pals who are game to kill the grizzly. Although in reality, Ed's purpose is to kill Ranger Johnny Eagleheart, who saved his life after the beating by Bigfoot.  It makes no sense, and there's never an explanation for why Ed thinks Eagleheart killed his friends, especially when he saw a hairy creature that looked nothing like the small, non fur bearing Eagleheart.

Meanwhile the Mayor is eating Twinkies and harassing the Sheriff to make sure nothing interferes with the tourist season.  This is the only reason the Mayor appears in the film.

The film is totally average. It's got enough of a budget so that it's not embarrassing - although the bigfoot suit leaves a lot to be desired - but it's just not that great.  Also the score at the beginning when Richard is riding his bike to school is way too orchestral to be in this type of movie and it's distracting.

Ridiculous dialogue-

Sheriff - "Kill the bear. Kill the Mayor.... No, save the bear. Kill the Mayor."

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