Amityville in Space (2022)

Well you knew it had to happen at some point. Everything else has gone to space, so why not the Amityville house?  Father Benna tries to get rid of the evil in Amityville, but when he fails,  the house blasts off and ends up in outer space. Yup. 

Cut to the year 3015. The deep space cruiser Wyoming has a mission to seek out and destroy rogue black holes. The crew have one more missile and are looking forward to going home after this last task. 

But wait, what’s this? The Amityville house and a pentagram?  While the crew just want to complete their mission, according to the  Captain space law dictates they must check out the house.  They transport their cyborg Vox in to look around. Vox - who does not have a cyborg costume - stops responding after a few transmissions.  So in true Star Trek fashion, the Captain and chief medical officer transport in. There’s something hilarious about seeing them materialize in a small dining room.

The Captain and Medical Officer find Vox dead and the Father in a closet, somehow having survived for thousands of years.  Now it’s up to them to fight a villain that looks like something out of GI Joe.

Low budget filmmaking brings with it many problems, and this certainly has plenty. But I did enjoy the  following:

1. The reflection of the cameraman, tripod and another person in Vox’s face plate
2. The reflection of the lights in several scenes where there are windows
3. The spaceship walls made of Mylar that move as characters walk by and reflect lighting
4. The hazmat/fire proof outfit doubling for a cyborg costume
5. Space guns which appear to be nerf guns painted red

If you know the Polonia brothers work, you know what you’re in for with this one. I was actually going to avoid it, but someone on a bad movie forum mentioned the cyborg didn’t even have a cyborg costume, more just a flame retardant outfit. I laughed so hard I decided to watch it. He was my favorite part.

While this wasn’t good, it was better than I expected.  I’ve noticed that recent films by Polonia brothers seem to be giving them titles which will automatically attract bad movie viewers, such a Sharkula. 

I have mixed feelings about the Polonias. Their movies are dreadful. Yet I like that Mark enjoys making movies so much he is still churning them out, even with the questionable acting, incoherent plots, and low grade effects in each one.  His work is primitive, but creativity is something that you should pursue if you enjoy it. It’s not about what others think, but how you feel about what you’re creating.

Ridiculous dialogue

Space law dictates we have to investigate the derelict.

I need you here in case we have to launch a retaliatory strike against the pentagram.

Space pressure must be affecting his sensors.

Did you see that? The door shut on its own.

Why do you have to ruin someone’s fun with your analytic logic?

Thanks to your service, space is safe for exploration and colonization.

Space Cruser Wyoming, Pentagram, Black Hole, Amityville House

The Amityville house has a Martha Stewart sign on the wall?

Seeing them transport into a middle class dining room is hilarious

The cyborgs face plate reflects the cameraman,
tripod and other crew member

This looked like claymation

The villain

The Mylar walls of the space ship

Cyborg Vox in all his glory