Spirit in the Woods (2014)

A college class is assigned a group project. In the most bizarre way to communicate how many people can be in a group, the teacher says “larger than 4 but no more than six.”  If they choose to do their project on Spiritual Woods, they get fifty extra points but only if they have a C+ or better.  We’re not told what this project is or why everyone has to go to the woods. But my anxiety is already high since there’s always at least one person who’s dead weight in a group project.

When they arrive at the Spiritual woods, they go over to the remains of a castle. Legend has it the castle was built to keep people from entering the woods. Yet we see a sign encouraging hiking and picnicking.

A stranger warns the group not to go in because everyone who goes in never comes out.  But our intrepid college students aren’t afraid of strangers warnings so they continue down the path. There’s a lot of walking and listening to pointless conversations  Mostly we’re watching people complain in the woods. 

They wander off the trail to collect rocks and get lost. When the sun goes down, they’re still wandering and decide to make camp. Lucky for them they find an old campsite with a fire pit and a chair. Then the complaining ramps into high gear and finally weird things start happening. But it’s too late for the viewer who is forced to bang their own head into the dirt and pray for salvation.

Questions abound.  What is this college project that involves collecting random rocks and leaves? Why do they get more points for Spiritual Woods? Are the leaves and rocks so different there? Why do they need to video tape themselves walking and complaining? If everyone who goes into the woods doesn’t come out, then why is it open to the public?  How did the police do their investigation and search without disappearing? How did they retrieve the students video? And who made the graded paths that run through the woods? Why does footage of the class and the campfire repeat during the night footage? Why would the teacher entice students with extra credit to go to woods when people don’t come back?  If the jock needs the fifty points so he doesn’t lose his scholarship, how is he even eligible since he’d need a C+ to qualify for it? Why would anyone want to be in a group with these perpetually whining women?

This movie is the equivalent of your friends showing you an hour and a half video of the time they got lost in the woods. Watch them walk, talk, look for rocks, and stumble around at night. The cameras they used aren’t capable of shooting at night without being so fuzzy you only recognize characters from their clothing.  Also if you took a drink every time someone says Spiritual Woods, you’d be dead by the end of the movie.

Ridiculous dialogue from the overly dramatic, whiniest whiners

If there was no fire, I think I’d be dead.

I don’t know, Ricky, like, wandered off into the woods, probably to go smoke a frigging joint. I don’t know why you invited him into this group anyway.

I am not going to sleep a wink. Frigging stranded in the woods. Are you kidding me.

How happy are you that Vicki’s not here?

I didn’t want to come here in the first place. No one freaking listens.

It’s irritating when a girl tries to run things.

Student - How many people are allowed to be in the group again?

Teacher - The group has to be larger than four, no more than six. 

Remember if you do Spiritual Woods you get an extra fifty points on our project, but you must have a C+ or better.

There’s tons of rocks. We’ll be able to get enough for the project. 

The inexplicable black and white library scene where there
is tons of creaking from the wooden chairs 

The awkward reporter and homeless guy scene

Did the people who graded the trail never
come out of the woods either?

Get ready for the night shots like this

Night shots are fuzzy

 We know they’re in college because it has their ages

 If no one comes out of the woods, then why
does the plaque say they offer hiking