Double Down (2005)

Aaron Brand is a super secret spy/mercenary who gets paid the big bucks when he is for hired to do... whatever.  He's a computer genius and can hack into any system because he built most of the systems in use.  The countries of the world are afraid of him and want him dead. But no one will ever touch him because he's set up biological weapons in major cities throughout the world and has to enter a code at preset intervals or they go off. So basically Aaron Brand is an ahole with no critical thinking ability which seems like a drawback for his job.

He's like James Bond, if James Bond lived in his car and ate tuna out of the can while driving and spilled it all over himself.  Good god man, you live in your car in the desert. It's going to smell terrible in there even without the tuna.

He's been hired to shut down the Las Vegas strip for two months, which he never gets around to doing. He also has other random jobs based on his interactions with other unidentified characters. But he never seems to accomplish much since he's always thinking about his dead girlfriend and hiding out in the desert in his Mercedes.  He has dinner with a family and talks about the secret life of a mercenary to an eight year old girl.  Should you really be talking about this stuff with anyone, let alone a child, who - in a scene right out of the the Tommy Wiseau playbook - ends up having cancer.  And Brand believes he can cure this childs cancer by touching her head while holding a gem that an old man in the desert gives him.

There are a number of strange scenes. On of the strangest scenes is where he walks up to someone on the Vegas strip and pretends to bump into them while he smears a massive amount of anthrax down their arm. (Think applying sunscreen to your forearm).  The other is where he poisons a strawberry and serves it to newlyweds he's picked up at a wedding chapel, only to discover  he's picked up the wrong couple.  Yes, as we live and breathe, this man is a professional.

He has constant flashbacks of his girlfriend, who he says he's loved since he was seven. This makes things weird since the actress playing his girlfriend appears much younger than him.  Things get more uncomfortable when a sniper shoots his girlfriend as Brand and she are naked in a pool.  Unlike most humans, after cradling his dying love in his arms, Aaron leaves her face down doing the dead mans float. Then he joins her.  It's super confusing. Why did he think this was appropriate?  WHY???????

For all Brand's braggadocio about how he's won every military medal you can win, he comes off as a crazy homeless guy who lives in his car and thinks the government is watching him. He looks insane  sitting in the back of his Mercedes in the desert, with his five lap tops and three cell phones splayed out around him and several tiny satellite dishes sticking out of his trunk.  Oh yeah, this guy is the best of the best.

This is super crazy and nonsensical, and I recommend watching it. Although it's not good by any means, it is entertaining in it's earnestness and ridiculous concepts. I'm going to have to watch some of this guys other films because they look just as insane.


Ridiculous dialogue:

I don't need much to live on anymore. I just eat tuna and live out of the car.

Are you still on that quest? What you are you looking for anyway?... Tell me about that quest.

I'm calling all three of you on a conference call. (Said while holding three cells phones in front of his face, which is definitely not a conference call.)

Why is he wearing surgical gloves when he types?

Eating tuna out of the can while driving? Why he has to be the
best spy ever!

The genius at work

Get ready for lots of scenes with awkward climbing

WHY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Fakest mustache / beard combo ever

Our hero somehow manages to have a physique that is both thin and flabby,
and has a denim vest with the sleeves ripped off to display all his medals

This is not a conference call. It's a crazy man with three cell phones.

Unsane (2017)

Sawyer moves 450 miles away from her family and starts a new job. But she's feeling on edge because she's afraid that her stalker has followed her.

She goes to see a therapist to talk about her fears and the difficulty in having to vary every facet of her life so that no one can track her movements.  While discussing the strain on her emotional and mental health, Sawyer admits to the therapist that there have been times that she's felt like harming herself.

As their session ends, the therapist asks her to fill out some paperwork.  What Sawyer doesn't realize that is that by signing the papers, she has unknowingly committed herself to 24 hours of observation in the Highland Creek Behavioral Center. Damn Sawyer, don't sign anything without looking at it!

Understandably upset, Sawyer doesn't grasp the situation.  She uses her one phone call to ring the police and demand they get her out because she's being kept against her will.  Needless to say, it gets her nowhere since detainees always want to get free from the facility.

Once in the ward, Sawyer gets in verbal altercations with other patients and ends up punching an orderly in the face.  Poor sweet stupid little Sawyer. That's not how you get out of an asylum.  In fact, her violent outburst gets her commitment changed from 24 hours to 7 days.

Another patient in the ward takes pity on her and gives her the best advice anyone is going to give her.  Ride out your time, don't upset anyone, keep your head down and don't make waves.  He tells her the whole thing is an insurance scam and that when insurance runs out, she'll be free.  But Sawyer is unable to control herself.  She screams, yells, throws things, and acts out.  Basically her aggression  gets her sedated and strapped to her bed.

To make matters worse, one day when Sawyer goes to get her medication, there is a new orderly that  Sawyer is convinced is her stalker.   His name is different, but she knows it's him.  Is Sawyer losing it? Is this a hallucination, or is he really her stalker?

The hardest thing about watching this movie is Sawyer can't help but get herself in deeper and deeper.  You just want to scream at her because if she could just keep from acting like a crazy person, she'd be so much better off. And it's hard to root for her since she's not a very sympathetic character.  You want root for the poor person who's been harassed by a stalker and unknowingly committed herself to an asylum, but Sawyer's just not very likable.

The most interesting thing about the film is it was shot on an iPhone.  Don't let that fool you into thinking this is one of those crappy amateur movies where the person behind the camera had no clue about what they were doing.   It's professionally shot, and looks good.   It makes me want to make a movie on my iPhone... which would totally be a crappy homemade movie shot by someone who had no clue what they were doing.

Amsterdamned (1988)

Something is coming out of the canals of Amsterdam.    People are being snatched off the streets, row boats are being tipped, and the hull of a large boat is destroyed so it will sink  - all for the purpose of murder.

Eric Vissar, one of the best detectives on the force, is assigned to the case.  When Eric goes to the scene of the first murder, a bag lady tells them that a monster came out of the canal and killed the victim.  Eric takes this with a grain of salt, but after a second body is found floating in the canal, he  starts to wonder if the killer might be a skin diver.

What makes this movie better than most is the location, especially an incredible boat chase through the canals of the city. Also there is a crazy scene with a corpse hanging from a bridge, where the boat full of screaming children can't stop before they hit it. So the corpse drags down the glass topped boat as those inside scream in terror.

King Cohen: The Wild World of Filmmaker Larry Cohen (2017)

The story of Larry Cohen is pretty amazing. He's written tons of movies, loads of television scripts, and done some directing as well.   This guy did incredible guerilla film making on the streets of New York without permits and did things that nowadays would probably get you shot. He put his cameras up high so people on the streets wouldn't know he was shooting a film.

Cohen is a good interview, although he may not always be truthful.  Listening to Fred Williamson talk about the discrepancy in Cohen's story versus what really happened is amusing. And while I totally believe Williamson, it still leaves Cohens story as an endearing tale by a guy who truly enjoys what he does.

This guy is amazing and continues to write all the time. I didn't realize all the movies and tv shows he'd written that I was familiar with. This is an entertaining documentary and offers insight into how he works.

Deadly Detention (2017)

It's as if they watched the Breakfast Club and said, what if we make all the characters unlikeable, make the dentention in a place where they can't escape, and have someone try to kill them.

Five kids are given detention in an old prison because there is an animal infestation at the school. The principal is supervising detention and there is animosity between her and some of the students.  When she is killed, the others fear that they will be next and try to figure out how to escape. That's all there is to it.

This isn't very good, but the thing that drove me insane was that the skateboarder can barely stand up on her board. Seriously, either ditch the skateboard or hire an actress who at a minimum can push off and balance on the board.

Dead Rising: Watchtower (2015)

Reporter Chase and his camerawoman are inside the quarantine zone trying to get the scoop on the latest zombie outbreak. The government is dispensing Zombrex to those who are infected. But something goes wrong and people start to turn.

Everyone starts running for their lives, and Chase gets separated from his cameraperson.  As more people start to turn, Chase has to figure out how to get to the edge of the quarantine zone where the military control the exit.

Unknown to the survivors, the military have been told to shut the gate and not let anyone leave. There is fear of the virus spreading outside the quarantine  zone.  Even those who appear to be fine are left inside to fend for themselves.

Chase teams up with two survivors in a bid to escape.. But along with zombies, there is a gang of bikers who are not going to help anyone but themselves - and they are pretty excited about looting and killing.

Nothing special or new about this one.

The Lost Empire (1984)

When her cop brother is killed by robotic ninjas while investigating a robbery,  policewoman Angel vows to make whoever was behind the robbery pay.  Her boyfriend Rick works at the FBI and word is that it has something to do with an undead wizard named Lee Chuck and someone named Dr. Sin Do.

Sin Do has a yearly fighting competition at his island estate and only trios are allowed to enter.  This way it will keep spies from sneaking into the competition.  It is obvious that their logic is extremely flawed.

Angel recruits a Native American woman and a female prisoner  fresh out of a mud wrestling fight in the prison yard to make up their team of three. They travel to the island to compete, go through a rigorous screening process which involves pointless nudity, and compete in many lame events.  And just when you think this movie can't get any sillier, here comes a guy in a gorilla suit.

This movie is ridiculous and is fun to watch with other people. Angel wears shiny, sparkly, skin tight body suits.  Some characters voices are unnaturally high.  The ninjas seem to be supernatural when the store owner tries to shoot them, but when the cops arrive, the cops can shoot them.  Angel forgets her purse on top of the car when going to the island.  And to top it off, a woman on one of the other teams turns out to be a spy, which proves the rules about only trios entering is totally useless.

Get ready to hear music that starts with three notes that will drive you crazy trying to figure out what it sounds like.  It sounds like the first three notes of the Six Million Dollar Man theme.  My friends thought it sounded like the song Summer Breeze by Seals and Crofts.  And yeah, it sounds like that too.

Also watch for the lack of continuity in Koro's eyebrows.  First they look like caterpillars glued to his face. Then they are normal eyebrows. Then they are back to caterpillars.  It was so noticeable that at one point, I found myself wondering if it was supposed to be two different characters.

You Might Be The Killer (2018)

Chuck is working her job at the comic book store when her friend Sam calls up in a panic.  Sam's family owns a summer camp and he's the head counselor.   He and the other counselors have been getting the camp read for the arrival of the kids.

But things have gone horribly wrong and someone is killing the counselors.  Sam's afraid he's going to be the next to die and since Chuck is a horror movie fan, he figures she can help him figure out the killers next move.

Chuck urges Sam to stay calm and asks him questions to get an idea of what he's seen and who's been murdered. But Sam is having trouble remembering things and his answers don't always  make sense.  As she probes deeper into the events of Sam's night, Chuck realizes that things may not be as they seem and she asks if Sam's considered that he may actually be the killer.  Chaos ensues.

This is a fun movie, although I didn't always like the way it jumped forward and backward in time.  Watching Sam struggle with the reality of what is going on and piecing together what's already happened is amusing.  The lead actor was the stoner in Cabin in the Woods and Chuck is played by the always likable Alison Hannigan, 

The Elf (2017)

After random scenes of a toymaker, we jarringly head to present day where a young woman enters a shop and is soon followed by a young man. Who are they? Do they own this shop? I mean, I assume it's a shop because the guy walked in a glass door and the interior looks like a second hand store.  Did the toy maker own a second hand store? What is going on?  There's no context.

It is later established that Nick and his girlfriend Victoria were at a toy shop. It is not clear how this is a toy shop since there was a severe lack of toys. I saw cards, Cd's, clothing, paper products, and old photographs -  everything except toys.

When Victoria finds photos of kids with dolls, she freaks out. The photos span a number of years and she believes it's the same toy in all the photos. I'm not sure why she'd make that assumption. If someone makes toy trains, and you see multiple kids over a span of 90 years with a toy train, you don't just scream, "oh my god the same train is in all these photos!" You assume they all have trains made by the same toymaker.

Nick goes into a dark room with a Christmas theme and finds a box with a cursed elf. Of course he does. Victoria talks on the phone to a friend and wonders where Nick is. There's discussion of a Christmas party so I guess it's Christmas time. But there's no snow and nothing yet to clue us in that it's the holiday season.

It's hard to tell what is going on in this film as there are only brief clues about who the characters are  and no exposition. At one point, Victoria says to her friend,"You know how Nick feels about this time of year. " No. No we don't. We don't have a clue about how Nick feels because no ones told us anything about him.  So is she saying he has issues with Christmas? If so, why is he in the Christmas room feeling an elf?

If Nick has holiday issues, then Victoria is extremely insensitive.  She's decorated the interior of their house with strings of Christmas lights, and has neglected to tell Nick she's decided to throw a Christmas party.  Christmas is important to her, so to hell with Nicks crippling anxiety and past trauma. She wants to see her family. Oddly she's also decided to invite people she's never met from the small town that Nick seems to despise. 

The other troubling aspect of this relationship is that they've only known each other three months, they're engaged and planning marriage.  If she's already indifferent to your feelings when she's still in the infatuation stage, you've got a long road ahead of you, Nick.

Victoria tells her friend she really doesn't know anything about Nick. What is going on? Why are you marrying this guy? And where is her friend located? She's telling Victoria to come home? And why does Victoria's family drive so far  to go to a party they don't even want to go to? Argh!

Okay it is confirmed that Nick hates Christmas. There was an incident when he was a child and now he's stuck in the middle of these family holiday festivities and her family seem to hate him, for reasons unexplained?  Holy crap, run Nick, run!

Another strange incident - carolers show up at the door to sing Xmas carols. When the family say thanks but no thanks, the lead caroler turns aggressive and nastily yells, "Hey we came a long way to be here." Hey jerk, you can't just show up unannounced on peoples lawns and then get mad at them for not meeting your needs. 

As things go from bad to worse, people start dying. At one point, Victoria calls her friend back home - which is strange since she should call 911 - and says there's a killer in the home. Her friends first question is, what does he look like. Seriously? And to make things stranger, the obnoxious friend is in the drive through while on the phone and is yelling at the person working the drive through to shut up.  Idiot, don't ever mess with people who make your food.

This movie is tough to get through and if you manage to stick it out, you will not be rewarded. Watch only if you're trying to watch every Christmas related horror film that exists.

House of the Witch (2017)

On Halloween night, a group of teenagers head to the abandoned mansion for a party.  The guys plan to scare the girls so one of them went over to the house that afternoon to prepare for when they get there.

The group parks down on the street rather than drive up the long driveway because they say they don't want the cops to notice.  This seems kind of odd since wouldn't the cops notice a truck parked on the street near the abandoned mansion? But not to worry, when they get inside, they turn on the lights so.... yeah, they could have parked at the front door.

Things start out fun but turn creepy very quickly.  One kid sees a photograph change, another sees a sheet on a chair change shape, and the phonograph starts after someone bumps into it. When someone gets injured, one of the girls decides to leave, but the front door won't open.

Here's a lesson for you kids. If you ever think that the surface of a mirror, or wall, or any solid item is not actually solid anymore, don't stick your freaking fingers into it.  Find an inanimate object to test your theory.

There isn't anything new in this and it's average at best. Watch for the ridiculous scene where kids hear someone coming and try to hide, but leave the flashlight on the iphone on, which would give them a way in a dark room - or even a slightly shady room.

Also there is one line that I can't believe got into the film.  Was the script wrong and no one noticed, or did the kid just mispronounce the word?  I can't believe no one caught this.  As the truck drives up to pick up the kids, one yells, "Here comes the calvary."  It's cavalry, dumbass.

Big Man Japan (2007)

A giant man fighting strange monsters? This must be fantastic! Nope, it's another misleading trailer that makes the movie seem more exciting than the slow paced, pseudo documentary that's delivered.

Masaru is a sad sack of a man. He lives in a small house with a stray cat.  He doesn't see his daughter much, his ex-wife doesn't think much of him, and he makes a meager living.  He can't  ever go on vacation because he never knows when he's going to get a call to action.

Masaru has the family honored role of Big Man Japan. When there is a monster causing havoc, the government calls him to take care of the problem.  Masaru then rides his scooter to the nearest electrical facility, goes through a ritual, and gets  electrocuted to grow into a towering giant who can take on the rampaging monster.

You'd think that people would appreciate his efforts, but they don't.  They're annoyed at the property damage and noise that the monster fights cause. And when a monster baby falls and dies during one of the fights, people turn against Masura and call him a baby killer.

It's a very strange movie and the monsters are ridiculous. But the lead character is very dull and most of the movie is him talking.  To get an idea of what it's like, imagine if The Office were almost two hours of the camera following Toby when he was at his most low key.

Annihilation (2018)

Army Specialist Kane appears at the home he shares with wife Lena after a year with no word of where he's been or what his mission was. Lena is surprised to see him since she wasn't sure if he was still alive. But he doesn't seem like himself and when he randomly starts bleeding she calls 911.

On the ride to the hospital, black SUVs stop the ambulance and bring her and Kane to a military facility.  Here Lena learns that Kane and his group went into something called the Shimmer, a strange shimmering field that originated around a lighthouse after a meteor strike and is growing to envelope nearby areas.

Kane is the only person to ever come out of the Shimmer and Dr. Ventress, a psychologist, is putting together an all female team to investigate what is inside.  Lena, currently a professor of biology but formerly in the army, volunteers to join the team as she wants to know what happened to her husband.

The group successfully make it in, but are completely isolated when their satellite phones are unable to reach outside the Shimmer.  Strange things start to happen. They have no memory of the first few days inside, there are mutated animals, and people in the group start coming unhinged.  When they find the base for the last group and stumble across video the group shot, panic sets in and some of the team wants to go back.

I knew nothing about his film other than what I saw in the trailer, which made it look like an exciting  scifi/horror film with lots of action.  So imagine my disappointment, when I kept waiting for the action to start and it never did.  There are a few scenes that are exciting, but mostly it's people walking and conjecturing about what is going on.  It's not that I can't enjoy a slow, low key movie with lots of talking.  I loved Ex Machina, which is from the same director.  But don't put out a trailer making it look like something it's not.

Ultimately, I was disappointed. I wish I hadn't seen the trailer. Maybe if I hadn't had expectations, I would have enjoyed this.

The Chaser (2008)

Joong-ho, an ex-cop who was fired for corruption and currently works as a pimp, notices that some of his girls have gone missing. While he's trying to figure out if they've run away with  money he's fronted them, he realizes they all have something in common. The last caller who booked them had the same phone number - and he's just sent another girl to meet this guy.

In fear that the customer is selling his girls, Joong-ho calls Mi-jin, who is currently in a car with the customer. Joong-ho asks her to not let on that there is an issue but to let him know the mans address when they get to his house. She agrees and Joong-ho heads toward the part of town where Mi-jin was supposed to meet the client.  But he never hears from her.

Worried that another of his girls will be stolen, he starts driving the streets and locates her car.  A short while later a minor fender bender changes everything and the chase is on.

This is a violent thriller and I don't want to reveal much about it as you'll enjoy it more if you go in blind.  Joong-ho is the protagonist but he's not a good man.  Even as he chases the man down, you know he's doing it because he's concerned about losing money on his girls rather than their safety.  The introduction of the seven year old daughter of Mi-jim complicates things but also brings some humanity to the main character.  Thankfully the child doesn't get in the way as Joong-ho brings her on his search into the seedy parts of town, although he does try to keep her from seeing him beat the hell out of people. How sweet of him.

If you're looking for a good thriller, can handle some uncomfortable violence, and don't mind subtitles, I'd recommend this one.

Screamers (1981)

In 1891, a Lieutenant named Claude and a small group of prisoners survive a shipwreck.  Unfortunately their lifeboat seems to be made of balsa wood and it wrecks as well.  A few of the men wash up on an uncharted island and while searching for drinkable water, Claude falls into a man made trap and they realize they are not alone.

The island is inhabited by Edward Rackham, who is keeping  Professor Marvin and his daughter prisoner.  Marvin has figured out how to turn men into amphibians and Rackham is using these creatures to take gold and antiquities from the lost city of Atlantis which is conveniently located nearby.

The island voodoo priest predicts bad things are coming.  She's certainly correct since Rackham doesn't want anyone interferring with his plans and Claude doesn't like what is going on.

This movie is not what it appears to be.  This is an Italian film called Island of the Fishmen. A US distributor bought, added a 12 minute intro about a treasure hunt, and retitled it Screamers.   The original movie is pretty slow paced so it's like someone said, hey we've got a beach, some water and a cave... so let's add a gooey monster laden beginning. How could anyone complain about that?

The first 12 minutes are the most interesting with the gooey skeletons and cool monster hands. Actually the fishmen are pretty cool as well, but other than that the movie is pretty boring.  Oh and there was one part that reminded me of Goonies, since there was a boat in a cave and there were people looking for treasure. The poster and first 12 minutes are the coolest thing about this film.

Bird Box (2018)

There are reports of strange mass suicides in Europe. People who seem fine, all of a sudden  decide to kill themselves. No one knows if it's a virus or how exactly it spreads.  Malorie, who is pregnant with her first child, hopes that whatever is causing this doesn't spread to the US.

While on a visit to the hospital for a check up, Malorie sees a woman smashing her head into a windows and then all hell breaks loose.  After her sister is seized by the madness, Malorie ends up sheltering in a large house nearby with a number of other survivors.  

They figure out that there is something outside and if you see it, you go crazy.  So they cover the windows with paper and when the food starts to run out, they work out a plan for going out to get more.

The movie takes place over five years, and in the present, Malorie and two young children are blindfolded in a row boat trying to get down the river where they've heard there is a safe place with other survivors. But is it a trap? And how the hell do you get through the rapids while wearing a blind fold? 

If you go along with the premise, its entertaining, although sometimes frustrating.  And god damn it, the other pregnant woman is an idiot and will drive you insane. But since we know who is on the river trip, we are aware that characters are going to disappear over the course of the film and probably with bad results.    Also there are many unanswered questions. What are these creatures? Where did they come from? What purpose does it serve to kill everyone?  Who are the people who can be out without blindfolds, and how did they come to be this way?  Why wouldn't you be more careful about going back to a house where these non-blindfolded people almost caught you once?

If you're hoping to see the creatures, you don't.  That's often the best way to go since imagination can be far scarier than what shows up as monsters on the screen.  And in this case that is definitely true since they've released a photo of what the creatures were going to look like. You'll be sorely disappointed and glad they aren't in the film.

And if you are one of the few that haven't already seen it, yes, there is literally a bird in a box.

Curse of the Mayans (2017)

Dr. Allen Green hires dive expert Danielle Noble to assemble a team of the best divers to go into the Yucatan jungle and explore some newly discovered underwater caves.  Green feels there are secrets to be found in these caves and he must have them.

One of Danielles men shows up with his girlfriend in tow, which is a really odd thing to do when you've been hired to do a job. No one is happy about this, but they need him for the trip so they take her along.

Green is supposed to be an archaeologist, but he doesn't act like one.  He drills into the temple floor. He ignores advice from local guides. He's basically a jerk who doesn't seem to care at all about anything other than getting everyone into that cave -which they aren't all that inclined to do based on advice from the guides and some strange happenings that occur the first night there.  Good god, it could be a curse!

When the group begins their dive, the caves hold many interesting things that have not been seen for ages. Unfortunately one is an alien who's been imprisoned and is prepared to wreak havoc on them.

This has some nice scenery, but ultimately it's pretty boring and didn't keep my attention. I actually zoned out and missed the ending. I'm going to assume that they all lived happily ever after. Either that  or the alien killed all but one of them.

Rats (2003)

aka Killer Rats

A reporter goes undercover at an asylum to try to get a story.  She discovers that patients are going missing and the asylum seems to have an inordinate amount of rats. She reports the rats to the staff, and is surprised that they won't listen to her.  It's like she's forgotten that she's supposed to be a crazy person locked in a mental institution.

Let's face it. It's the rats. The rats are killing everyone, even the exterminators.  It turns out that years ago scientists did experiments on the rats that turned them into killers. They've just been roaming around in the basement, gathering steam to mutate even further into little killing machines... and there's also that giant rat over there in the corner eating someones leg.

Octopus (2000)

When a bomb goes off in a building nearby, Agent Turner and his partner realize that the old lady they saw inside is now short one bag and give chase.  But this is no lady.  It is actually a terrorist named Casper. I'd like to say he's a master of disguise, but I can't because it was obvious that he wasn't a woman.   So it's more that Turner and his partner are crappy agents.

When Casper shoots Turners partner and then crashes a car in a getaway attempt, Turner ends up rescuing him from the burning vehicle. This sets the stage for Turner to accompany Casper to the US via a ride on a Navy submarine. No one shall ask why the military would let a terrorist, even one in custody, get on a Navy sub, but that is just one of the many leaps in logic that you'll find in this movie.

You also shouldn't wonder why the female scientist first appears on screen doing either a terrible Russian or Asian accent.  We were arguing over which one she was attempting and then she threw a curveball at us by actually being American. What the hell is going on here?

The terror group working with Casper decided they will "infiltrate" a cruise ship so that they can rescue him from the sub.  Boy those military, with their terrorist transporting subs and their inability to keep quiet about it.  And how does a cruise ship get someone off a sub?

These terrorist are the worst ever as they leave their door open to their cabin. When the maid comes to make up the room, they hear her knock and ask if anyone is there. But instead of asking her to come back later, they do nothing and they dispatch of her for finding bullet casings. Ugh, you guys are the worst. Just keep your door shut.

Oh yes, and eventually there is an octopus and it attacks a cruise ship.  It's like they wrote an action movie about a terrorist and it was boring so they decided dot throw a mutant octopus into the mix.

The octopus is interesting because the beasts size is inconsistent. Sometimes it's the size of the octopus on the cover of the DVD while other times by comparison it seems more lie the size of a house.

Raptor (2001)

When three kids in a jeep are slaughtered, Sheriff Jim Tanner calls in animal control officer Barbara Phillips. Phillips wears a confusing outfit with a shirt that is half unbuttoned and has a patch on the arm that seems to be military rather than animal control.  She's not sure what type of animal killed the kids, so they head off to think about what it could have been.

Meanwhile at the old factory across town, Dr. Hyde is berating his employees for letting one of their raptors escape.  Until 12 years ago when there was an incident, Hyde was funded by the US military. Now he's receiving help from Pakistan, for what ends I have no idea. Is the country going to wage war using dinosaurs? Who knows. It's never clear.

Tanner has a rule that no one in the Sheriffs office should ever go on a call without back up. Yet everyone does and it always ends badly.  This leads to Tanner and Phillips being taken prisoner when they go to investigate the factory.  Unfortunately for them, this is also the time that the US military decides to go in and destroy the factory to cover up what Hyde has been doing as they don't want any leaks that reveal they used to fund him. Hilarity ensues. No, no it doesn't.

Actually it's pretty boring overall. When I was looking for into on the movie, I read that footage from other Roger Corman movies was used in this one, which would explain a lot about why this feels so disjointed.

 I wonder how real marines feel when they watch movies like this where marines are called in and they are total dolts.  It must be really frustrating.  Although there is a hilarious scene in which the marines are being given instructions on their mission that are so vague they have no idea what they are seeking.  So we take out the genetically engineered thing that is dangerous? But what is it?

Uncle Sam (1996)

Three years after being shot down over Kuwait, the body of Jody's Uncle Sam is returned home for burial.  Jody is a patriotic kid who idolizes his uncle, even though his mother does not share this fondness and is unnerved by memories of her violent brother Sam.

Oddly enough the family follows the old time practice of putting the body in the living room of their house for viewing, rather than in a funeral parlor.  The first night, Sam rises from his coffin, goes outside, and kills a guy on stilts in an Uncle Sam costume who was peeping in windows looking at girls.  Peeping is not patriotic.

The next day everyone heads to the fourth of July festival downtown, including Sam.  He's going to make people pay for their disrespect.

There's nothing special about this, except that off the top of my head I can't think of anther fourth of July horror movie.

Octopus 2: River of Fear (2001)

Something is killing people in New York harbor.  The police don't have any clues. Nick sees an empty liquor bottle near the pier and decides that someone must have witnessed the deaths.  No one shall ask why that couldn't be trash from earlier in the day.

Nick and his partner go into the subterranean tunnels under the city and find a man who claims the killer was an octopus. But that's ridiculous and he's drunk, so they leave it alone.

Meanwhile the mayor wants to know how close they are to solving the murders because thousands of people will be coming to the city for independence day.  We can't have those pesky murders ruining peoples holiday.

After doing some questionable research, Nick decides an octopus could actually be the culprit.  Nick's octopus theory makes him the butt of jokes throughout the precinct and even his partner thinks he's nuts.  Well, until he gets caught by the octopus at the next diving job and it crushes the life out of him.

Now that Nick's seen it with his own eyes, he tries to get Rachel from the mayors office to do something to protect the tourists coming to town.  But the mayor doesn't care, and Rachel gives up knowing that she's not getting anywhere if she's telling him a giant octopus is going to ruin the celebration.  So she does the only think she knows how to do - she takes a short bus full of handicapped kids into the city through an underground tunnel. Good god Rachel!  What were you thinking? There's a killer octopus on the loose!

While this isn't that great a movie, it's kind of fun.  Watch for the old woman who drives into the tunnel ahead of the short bus.  She's like a character right out of SCTV, with Andrea Martin playing the role to comedic perfection.

Star Hunter (1996)

When the team bus is full, three bench warmers and two cheerleaders are forced to take the short bus home with the principal, Mrs. March.  They get lost and end up in the bad part of town, where the only pay phone is making a weird buzzing noise. So they decide to look for a building with lights on where someone might have a phone they can use.

Most of the neighborhood seems to be deserted, but in the only lit building they meet Reicher, a blind man who has a collection of weapons on his wall.  He's very hospitable and tells them to get something to eat while he calls a taxi for them.  What they don't know is that he's one of the Star Hunters and they are about to become the game.

Star Hunters work in pairs, where one is the lure and the other the killer. No one shall ask how Reicher got the job as the lure since he is blind and they had to enter his building and shout to get his attention.  The killer wears a suit that looks similar to the Predator but appears to actually be the Saurod costume from Masters of the Universe.

When a couple of the kids find a collection of heads in Reichers bathroom, the game is on.  As they flee for their lives, they find that there is a force field around the neighborhood and their wits are the only thing that will keep them alive. Unfortunatly most of them aren't that bright. But on the plus side, another alien possesses the stoner kid to try to keep everyone safe. Unfortunatly he doesn't do a very good job.

The killer has a suit that can regenerate and repair any injuries to the Star Hunter.  He also has something similar to a large flip phone that he gets reports from the lure. The primitive graphics show the lures face while he quotes the passage of time in keyless - whatever that equals - and tells the killer how many people are left to kill.

The strangest scene in the movie is when two of the kids manage to escape and head to the police station to report that their friends have been murdered. Now I know they are talking about aliens which is stupid, but they're also reporting a murder.  So you'd think the police would take that part seriously enough to investigate. But they're skeptical because no one in the neighborhood has reported anything. Yes, because no one has ever been murdered without multiple people reporting a ruckus.

This is one tedious movie.  The sad thing is that it has Stella Stevens and Roddy McDowell in it. They deserve better.

Santa's Summer House (2012)

A van full of tourists heading to a resort drive through a bank of fog - which apparently was too expensive to reproduce digitally or in real life. The fog disorients the driver and they end up at the mansion of an older couple who offers them cookies and a place to stay for the night.  It seems like that would be the start to a horror movie, but it's actually a Christmas movie.

The older couple asks everyone to call them Nana and Pop. In reality they are Santa and Mrs. Clause and this is their summer home.  The characters staying at their home are a sleazy businessman, two bickering sisters and a disconnected couple with a teenage son.

As their guests act nasty or ignore each other, Santa tries to teach everyone a lesson about appreciating what they have and being supportive of those you love.

Perhaps a child would like this film, but it's really difficult to sit through. If you like to watch people play croquet, then you may enjoy about ten minutes of the film. The mansion will be familiar to anyone who's seen one the 1313 films done by David Decoteau.

The most interesting thing about this film is that there are four former b-movie action stars in the cast, including the most well known, Cynthia Rothrock as Ms. Clause.

The Last Shark (1981)

aka Great White

When a wind surfer disappears and his board is found bitten in half, a writer and a boat captain realize that there is a killer shark in the area. They ask the mayor to close the beaches, but there's a wind surfing regatta coming up. So safety be damned! This town needs tourism and that regatta is going to bring in a ton of money.  Needless to say, when the brightly colored sails are all over the harbor, carnage ensues.

This is a Jaws rip off. From the mayor who won't listen about the danger in the water, to the boat captain just like Quint, or the protagonists children being in the water when the shark makes his appearance. It's all right out of Jaws, but nowhere as good.

Mother Krampus (2017)

aka 12 Deaths of Christmas

When Vanessa's husband leaves her, she goes to stay with her father and brings her daughter Amy with her.  A number of children have recently disappeared from town, but Vanessa doesn't seem worried. Neither does Amy, who is perfectly fine being approached by a dirty woman wearing a black cloak and holding out candy in her filthy hand.  Amy confirms her nonfunctioning brain stem status when she sees the same woman holding a cat outside her home and opens the door, never considering this could be a problem.

Years ago a number of children disappeared from town and were found murdered in the woods.  The parents believed the murderer was a local woman. Taking a page from the Freddy Kreuger origin story, they decide to mete out vigilante justice.   Before they strung her up, the woman cursed them all.  Now that children have started to disappear again, people wonder if the curse is true. Guess what? It is.

If you're expecting a Krampus of any kind, you'll be disappointed because this is a witch who eats children.  But hey, that won't sell it to the Christmas horror crowd, so slap a Krampus on it and it will sell itself.

The most distracting thing about Mother Krampus is that with the cloak over her head and dark areas around her eyes, she reminded me of Brain Guy from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Into the Dark: Pooka (2018)

I hadn't heard of this movie until my friends showed me the trailer.  We all decided we had to watch it as it looked insane.

Wilson moves to Los Angeles to get a fresh start. While at a coffee shop, he spots an ad for an audition. The experience is strange and unnerving. But he gets the job which turns out to be dressing up like a new toy called Pooka.

With this new job, Wilson's life seems to turn around. He starts dating a woman that he really likes and bonds with her son.  Pooka is a hit and children love him.

But there is a dark side.  He becomes way too attached to the Pooka suit and starts wearing it when he's not working.  Sometimes Pooka seems to do things on his own, when Wilson isn't even around.  And most disturbingly, Wilson seems to be losing track of time and seems easily angered.

This is really good and while I enjoyed it, I wasn't so keen on the ending.  But I would definitely recommend it.  There's some good humor and some really creepy scenes. Plus I love that Pooka's eyes appear to be made of car headlights.  Currently it's only available on Hulu.

Krampus Unleashed (2016)

The film opens in the late 1800s where a group of treasure hunters looking for gold unearths a box with a strange rock. Messing with the rock awakens Krampus and carnage ensues.

After Krampus sends them to their maker, we quickly cut to present day where a family is going to visit grandma and grandpa for Christmas.  Unfortunately they live in Arizona so  there's no Christmas to be had except for a few lights.

Grandma and grandpa seems nice, but their kids have grown up differently. One is kind and has a nice family. The other is condescending and has a jerk family.    The males in the family go out to pan for gold down at the creek, and end up finding an interesting rock.  And once again, some poor idiots have awakened the Krampus.

Watch for the worst 911 operator in the world. Someone calls for help after their boyfriend is murdered.  She relays this info to the cops as if the woman said she's seen a bigfoot in her back yard.

Also check out the heads mounted on the wall in the living room. While listening to Grandpa tell his grandson about hunting them, you'll notice something odd about the heads on the wall.  They're all  obviously plastic.  Hilarity ensues.

This is low budget and not very entertaining. Half the characters are totally unlikeable and you'll keep wishing some would get punched in the throat.  Also people seem to be getting sunburned in this movie. Either that or their color is off because their heads are way too red for it to be natural.

The most annoying thing about this film is that it opens with an off key version of Let It Snow.  The  vocals are in a completely different key than the music. How did this happen? Were the people who made it tone deaf? It's mind bogglingly uncomfortable to hear.

Slice (2018)

Pizza delivery guys are being murdered in a city where ghosts and people live together in an uneasy truce. One of the main suspects is a werewolf on a scooter who used to deliver chinese takeout, and the pizza place in town might be a portal to hell. With a premise such as that you'd think this would be great. But it's not.

This is one of those films where the comedy falls so flat that you find yourself asking your friends, "Okay, that line was supposed to be funny, right? Because it feels like that's how they intended it, but none of us are laughing."  Is it the delivery, the writing, the tone of the film, or all of the above? There are almost no laughs to be had, which is a shame since Paul Sheer is in this film. He's the best part of this, but even he can't save this one.

Puppet Master: the Littlest Reich (2018)

In this reboot of the puppet master franchise, comic book store worker Edgar has to move in with his parents after a messy divorce.  When he finds a creepy doll in a box in his brothers room, Edgar figures out it may have value since it was made by Andre Toulon, a creepy Nazi whose dolls murdered people.

Edgar, along with girlfriend Ashley and his boss Markowitz, head to a hotel where there is a Toulon Murder convention. He's hoping to make some money by selling the doll at auction.

With a hotel full of guests with Toulon puppets to sell, things go horribly wrong. Puppets start disappearing and people start dying.  The police are called in and aren't much help. But to be fair, how do you train to fight murderous Nazi puppets.

I'm not a fan of the Puppet Master franchise and was hesitant when a friend wanted to watch this. But it has Thomas Lennon. Barbara Crampton, and Michael Pare in it, so those are positives.  Surprisingly I enjoyed this more than the other films. People who are fans of the previous Puppet Master films will probably have an issue with this since they've made Toulon a Nazi. Also the puppets don't have personalities. They are just little killing machines and they target any group that Nazis dislike.

It seems like there may have been big hunks of the script edited out because there are things that just come out of nowhere or go nowhere. An example is the relationship between Edgar and Ashley.  She's the younger sister of someone he grew up with and hasn't seen him in years. They take a short walk together and catch up. Next thing you know she comes into the comic book shop and kisses him. Wait, are they dating? When'd that happen?  How'd that happen?

When they go to the convention, they've upgraded from dating to being a couple and even say they love each other. WHAT?!? What is going on? How much time has passed since they met? Are they horribly codependent? Or has a long period of time passed and the movie hasn't let us in on this?  It's completely confusing.

Also there is never an explanation of what happened to Edgar's brother. Based on the photos in his room, the brother died when he was in high school. Edgar mentions his brother died in an accident, but there's no context and it's never mentioned again. I thought for sure that was going to have some significance later in the film. Or did I miss something? I did drift off a bit at one point.

The end of the film could stand on it's own, but there is a to be continued in the last scene. I'd watch the next one based on this.

Gonjiam Haunted Asylum (2018)

A paranormal investigation team that has a YouTube channel called Horror Times decides to investigate Gonjiam Asylum, which is on CNN's list of seven freakiest places in the world.  They have a contest to pick a few other young people to join them on their investigation.  They are planning on broadcasting their exploration live and want to hit 300,000 viewers to make it a very profitable venture.

They sneak onto the grounds of the abandoned asylum and set up a tent as home base.  Ha-joon is in charge so he stays in the tent to make sure the transmission is going okay and to monitor the number of viewers.  The others go in and investigate.

The investigation starts slow but things build as the night goes on.  The climax of the investigation is going to be opening room 402 which has been closed for years. Many people have tried to open it, but none have succeeded.  The movie opens with a couple of teenage boys who taped themselves trying to get in. The footage was found after they disappeared.

There's nothing new about this, but it's not bad. It's a slow burn so don't expect constant scares.

I was worried about the camera work because many found footage films make me nauseous but you need to keep watching because there are subtitles. So what the hell am I going to do if I start feeling sick?  Thankfully once they started exploring, the camerawork straightened out.  This is something that more found footage films should realize. Just because you can shake the camera around like an idiot, doesn't mean you should do it.

It Came From the Desert (2017)

Motocross winner Lukas, his mechanic Brian, and their friend Lisa head out into the desert for a kegger to celebrate Lukas winning a big race.  Brian has a crush on Lisa, but doesn't have the confidence to let her know.  After he sees a motocross racer hits on her, he feels like he's blown his chance and wanders off from the party.

When Lukas finds him, they discover a nearby tunnel in the bottom of a canyon and head down to check it out. They end up at a recently abandoned military base and decide to explore.

Brian wants to err on the side of caution, but thrill seeker Lukas keeps exploring so Brian goes along with him.  Soon they are trapped in the underground building by giant ants and more ants are on the loose heading towards the party.

While not anything special, it's fun enough to watch.  There are stupid decisions made, but you don't hate the main characters and Lisa is smarter than a lot of female characters.

Lavalatula (2015)

I've never been a Steve Guttenberg fan, and this movie doesn't change that. Guttenberg is action star Colton West who leaves the set of his latest film when he gets in an argument with the director.  Colton is stuck in traffic on the freeway when there is an earthquake which unleashes tarantulas that spit lava. Hooray!

When he gets home, his wife tells him that his son has gone into the city.  Colton tells his wife to get to safety and goes to search for his son.  With the family split up, we've got three different stories to follow as they all try to survive the lava spiders.

This is essentially Sharknado with lava filled spiders, except it's not as interesting.  I do like movies with a combination of ridiculous things, but Guttenberg is not the best choice for a leading man. Nia Peeples would have been a better choice for the lead.

WNUF Halloween Special (2013)

Presented as a home video recording of the October 31, 1987 Halloween broadcast by tv channel WNUF, the movie starts with a local news show, complete with anchors in Halloween costumes, segments on Halloween safety, and sporadic reports from reporter Frank Stewart.  Stewart is going to be doing a live broadcast later on from the Webber Mansion. The home has been empty since the Webbers were murdered by their son, who claimed a demonic presence made him kill after he accidentally contacted the entity through a ouija board.

Joining Stewart are a husband and wife team of paranormal investigators, as well as a priest.   The group sets up inside the mansion and conducts a seance where viewers can call in and ask questions. As expected, they get a number of prank calls. My favorite was the one where someone screams, "Iron Maiden rules! White Lion sucks!" where I misheard the first part as, "I'm eating rolls!"

Things go wrong during the seance and there seems to be a malevolent presence in the house. The whole thing seems to be spiraling out of control when Frank and the priest get locked in the basement by someone or something unknown. I don't want to give too any details about what happens after this in case you plan on watching it.

The faux local commercials are spot on and so are the cringeworthy jokes and banter between the anchors.  I absolutely loved the commercial for an 80s hair metal compilation. They've done a fantastic job of making it look like it was actually a tape of an 80s broadcast. In fact, if I had found a VHS of this at a flea market and it had a hand written label, I would have thought it was authentic until I saw how the movie ended.

The film was actually copied multiple times from VHS to VHS to give it the authentic feel of a generated bootleg tape.  As a former tape trader,  the fuzzy video brought me back to the time where I obsessively traded tapes and would have traded for something like this.

What I didn't like was that the first half hour is the local news.  Sure it's spot on, but it wasn't that interesting and we almost bailed on watching the rest since nothing was really happening.  And while I liked the commercials, there were too many of them and sometimes it was frustrating.  It seemed like some of them repeated also.

Overall an effective and fun throwback, but unfortunately they will probably lose a lot of viewers during the opening half hour newscast since they've done such a good job that it's actually like watching some random towns local news.

Killer Fish (1979)

A group of jewel thieves blow up a factory to distract authorities from their heist. Since they know police will be searching anyone they meet in the area, the group throws the loot in a reservoir to avoid being caught. Unbeknownst to them, the mastermind behind the jewel heist has filled the lake with piranhas so that no one can sneak back to double cross him and grab the jewels.

In a side plot, a model and her photographer arrive for a photo shoot and end up cavorting with one of the jewel thieves. Through a serious of coincidences, everyone ends up stuck on a marooned ship in the piranha filled reservoir. Close enough to shore to be enticing, terrified enough of the piranhas to think twice about swimming for it. You'd think they'd band together to try to survive, but there's always some jag off who is only in it for himself. Piranha carnage ensues.

I've wanted to see this for a long time since it's about deadly fish and it stars Lee Majors, but it's not very good.  You're much better off watching Piranha. 

Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4 (1990)

Kim has a new job working at a newspaper.  When she hears about a woman who may have spontaneously combusted when she fell off a building, Kim decides to do a story on it.  The problem is that Kim is a classified ad writer, and she doesn't seem to understand that just because you have an idea, doesn't mean you get to run with it if you're not hired to do that job.

Kim gets mad at her reporter boyfriend Hank when he is assigned the story she wanted.  But nothing is going to keep our intrepid classified ad writer from doing that story.

While investigating, she wanders into a bookstore near the death scene and buys a book on spontaneous combustion. The bookstore owner Fima gives her a free book, invites her to a picnic, and offers her a bowl of dates.  Kim partakes of this free food because she hasn't eaten lunch, while I'm left wondering why a bookstore would be offering bowls of food to it's patrons.

Since I happened to be watching the movie with a friend who owns a bookstore, I asked her if she would start offering dates to her customers. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "Of course not. They're sticky."  So there you have it. If a bookstore offers you dates, be incredibly suspicious.

The next day, Kim goes to the picnic and ends up sitting on a blanket with Fima and two other women. It's really weird and Kim is way too blasé about this intimate little event.  She falls asleep on their blanket and then Hank shows up unexpectedly because she should be at work.

As the bookstore women get more involved in Kim's life, she seems to get more and more crazy. And the viewer is left wondering what this has to do with Christmas or the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise. The answer is nothing. This is about witches and because there are a couple scenes with Christmas trees, they've slapped this title on it because that is how to get people to watch it. It worked  on us.

The worst thing about this movie is there is no joy to it.  It's just plain gross and you'll feel icky when it ends.  You'll wish you hadn't watched it because it's not fun at all.

Trucker's Woman (1975)

Holy crap.  This movie is ridiculous.  After his father is killed in an accident, Mike Kelly drops out of college to become a truck driver.  He believes his fathers death wasn't an accident and wants to figure out who was behind it.

Mike teams up with mumbling old timer Ben to keep an eye on what is going on at the trucking company and to have meetings with other truckers.  If you're not paying close enough attention, you'll think Mike and Ben are have gone to an AA meeting because there's folding chairs and a podium.

When he meets Karen at a bar, Mike tries to follow her when she leaves. Then he becomes super creepy and shows up at her motel room.  When she asks him to leave, he hides outside the door until she opens it to check to make sure she's gone.  Ahhh, the 70s... where men could be rape-y and women would fall for their supposed charm.

Things go from bad to worse.  Mike is framed for having drugs in his truck. He discovers there is definitely corruption in the trucking industry and gangsters show up at inopportune times. Mike becomes a police informant and discovers Karen's father isn't a great guy. No one seems to notice that Karen appears to be wearing a bad wig.

Mike is played by Michael Hawkins who turns out to be Christian Slaters father.  Mechanic Diesel Joe is played by Larry Drake who later played Dr. Giggles.  Ben is played by Doodles Weaver.

Mike had to drop out of college because his father died.
Poor guy. He's just a kid

Check Your Spelling, Movie

Are they bad spellers or did someone just make a typo?  Either way, it makes for amusement when it's on a DVD menu forever.

Dark Heritage title screen 

It's a Blooper Reel, not real (from The Stitcher)

The Gracefield Incident (2017)

Months after a car crash in which Matthew loses an eye and his wife loses their baby, they decide to spend the weekend at Matthew's bosses cabin in the woods. They invite two other couples and plan to have a fun weekend at the luxurious cabin in the middle of nowhere.  Matthew makes a fake eye and places a camera in it so he can record the whole weekend. Why? I don't know. How does he keep the camera running and how does he charge the battery? No idea.

The first night, a bright light streaks through the sky and a meteor lands in the woods.  Matthew and his friend go out to wander the woods and find where it hit.  There is a hole in the ground that Matthew sticks his hand into to see what made it.  Matthew is an idiot.  No good can ever come from this.  

Soon after he pulls a mystery blob of what looks like rock from the hole, a creature starts stalking them.  They decided not to tell the girls that there is something out there as they don't want them to panic. Because it's so much better to have something dangerous near you that you're totally unaware of, right? Am I right?

Things go from bad to worse as this creature doesn't seem to conform to the same gravity and time that humans do. There is talk that perhaps the creature is Bigfoot since his boss mentioned Bigfoot sightings in the area. But it's ridiculous based on the creatures movements and size.

Most of the video is shot from the point of Matthews eyeball. If you are prone to motion sickness, you'll hate the filmmaker for this.  I wish people who shoot point of view videos understood the impact of watching a film that literally makes you feel like you're going to puke.  It's only going to make your movie less likable. 

Also stop Blair Witching it. We don't need another movie where someone stands there not moving with their back to the camera, while someone tentatively shouts their name.  Yes, we get it. Something is terribly wrong.

Tales from the Hood 2 (2018)

A horror anthology with a wrap around story about a rich,  white, racist, sexist, jerk named Dumass Beach who invents the Robo-Patriot - a robot that can police the populace and hand down sentences to those who commit crimes.  Beach hires Portifoy Simms to tell the robot stories about human behavior. Then the robot can use these tales to build a profile of unacceptable behavior and punish those who go past that line.

Here is a synopsis of each tale:

Good Golly - Two college friends, one white and one black, go to a museum of racist artifacts where they see a doll called a golliwog.  The white girl has a collection of the dolls and doesn't see them as racist since they were part of her childhood. After failing to get the proprietor to sell it to her, she comes back after dark to break in and steal it. Things go horribly wrong.

The Medium - After thugs accidentally kill a pimp while attempting to find out where he keeps his money, they kidnap a famous psychic in an effort to contact the pimp in the afterlife. As you can imagine, thing go horribly wrong.

Date Night - Two clean cut date rapists use a dating app to find two females and then roofie them while at the women's house. Thankfully things go horribly wrong.

The Sacrifice - a black politician is subservient to a white politician and is not true to himself in a bid to get more power.  His pregnant white wife keeps seeing a boy who she says wants to take their baby. The real story of Emmett Till is part of this morality play, and other tragic real deaths are referenced to hit home the point.

I'm not sure how it would affect anyone if they are not familiar with Emmett Till. But if you are familiar with history, then this story will suck the air out of the room. There were three of us watching the movie and when it ended, we were all silent and depressed. So if they were trying to make an impact, point accomplished. I'm just not sure if will impact those who don't know that Emmett Till was a real person who was brutally murdered. Also many people watch horror movies as a fun escape which this segment is not.

Keith David is awesome, as he is in almost everything. He's a lot of fun to watch. And of course you know that Beach is going to get what's coming to him, since he has no redeemable qualities.

One thing that drove us all nuts was that in Date Night, you actually have to watch four people play two rounds of Cards Against Humanity. This is annoying on it's own because who wants to watch someone play cards? But even more so because they keep track of who plays which card. That's not how you play it, people.


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