Detention of the Dead (2012)

Hijinks ensue when a group of teens in detention discover there is a zombie outbreak and must work together to try to survive. This won't be easy since the group is made up of conflicting cliques, and the popular kids don't want to listen to some stupid nerd.

After working their way to the library and barricading themselves inside, the group goes into Breakfast Club mode with tearful confessions of inner feelings and the popular kids being called out on their bullying and self centered viewpoints.

The director states this film is as if John Hughes made a zombie film.  While there is definitely a Breakfast Club vibe, it doesn't have the charm of a John Hughes movies.  I don't think I laughed once during, even though it's a comedy horror film.

This movie has the oldest teenagers, and one even has a receding hairline.  Before I watched this movie, I thought the guy in the center with the glasses was the teacher in detention.  But no, he's supposed to be a teenage nerd.  The characters include a goth, cheerleader, jock, bully, nerd, and stoner. I wanted to like it because I'm partial to zombie movies, but it just didn't deliver.

Night Feeders (2006)

First off, realize that this cover is far scarier and far more professional than anything you will see in the film.  With that in mind, please enter the world of Night Feeders.

Four friends head into the woods for a weekend of hunting and camping.  The four are far too old to be driving Mom's car, especially after the driver reveals he's a teacher and has a rock collection that's insured for $200,000.

The first night in the woods, they realize something is watching them. Things get creepy so they decide to drive back to town and return for their belongings in the morning.  But when they  drive into a tree in a panic, they wreck the car.  Now the closest hope of help is a home two miles up the road.

After trying to find a phone and safety in the house, they notice what appears to be aliens outside and try to figure out how they're going to survive the night, as well as how to escape.

I'm not sure why these people always insist on burying anyone who dies. When you go into the woods with three other people, come back alone and there are three fresh graves left behind, no one is going to believe it's aliens.  Also you'd hate to be the woman married to the old guy who hears someone come in the house, hears his wife scream, and  hides in the closet with a gun. Good job letting your wife die, old man.

The movie starts off with an extremely sad looking cgi meteorite landing on Earth.  The aliens are also cgi and don't blend well with the scenes.  While I'm sure they're better than anything I could do, they're not good enough to maintain any sense that they're actually in the same place.

There is a character named Donnie who sounds like Larry the Cable Guy and is often hard to understand.  Perhaps the accent is easier if you're from the South.  Although the movie was made fairly recently, it has the feel of something made during the time prior to when everyone had access to video cameras and editing software - and that's a good thing.

Savage Harvest 2: October Blood (2006)

Low budget horror director Tyge returns to his hometown after an actor dies on the set of his latest film.  He meets up with his friend Deke and Deke's roommate Zack, who's a pretty strange guy.  He also sees his ex-girlfriend Ashley who informs him that her sister Mikki has committed suicide.

Mikki was the only survivor of a massacre ten years ago.  Now Ashley has received an odd tape of her sister and she wants to uncover what really happened that night.  Zack is also interested in what occurred since he has never been the same since members of his family were killed in the same massacre.

Tyge, Ashley, Deke, and Zack decide to go to the scene of the killings and go over what everyone did that night.  They end up in the woods where there's a demon and a Native American curse.

The movie is almost two hours long and the first part is mostly exposition.  It would have been a good idea to edit the films length to tighten up the story.  The acting isn't very good.  Ashley talks about Mikki like she just died but her sister died in 1998.  I actually liked the first Savage Harvest better. Not that it was good, but it was more ridiculous which made it more entertaining at points.


Ridiculous dialogue-

"Half our class was morons and they're the ones that never left town." - said by Zack, still living in town

The Bates Haunting (2012)

The best thing about this movie is the cover.  Based on the title,  the house resembling Norman Bates home in Psycho - there's even a woman with a knife silhouetted on the second floor - and the description that states this movie takes place at the Bates Motel and Haunted Hayride, it was reasonable to assume this has something to do with the Psycho house and motel.  But no, there is actually a family named Bates who run a haunted hayride on the East Coast, and the movie takes place there. So it's kind of a neat way of advertising their haunted attraction.  I say kind of because the movie is pretty bad and they barely show any of the haunt. So in a sense it's not much advertising at all.

A year after Agnes saw her best friend Lily die in an accident while working at the hayride, she is still a mess with a bad attitude.  She dropped out of college, can't keep a job, and doesn't care about anything but her friend Clyde and getting high.

Her Dad, who is also the Sheriff, figures it would be a great idea for her to get over this whole traumatic best-friend-burned-to-death-in-front-of-her-eyes thing So he gets her a job at the haunted hayride in the merchandise booth.  Agnes has a bad attitude about everything so she's not too pleased with this turn of events, but for some reason goes along with her Dad's plan.

Her new boss, Junior, seems a bit retarded, but it's not clear if he really is supposed to be or it's just the way the actor played the part.  As Junior shows her around the farm, she meets some of the haunts cast members who invite her to a party that night. They have one every year prior to opening day.

Agnes invites Clyde so he can help her check out the big dragon head which burned Lily to death a year ago. No one shall ask why she thinks examining a giant prop a year later will yield any clues to whether Lily was murdered or it was a tragic accident.

When two people are murdered at the cast party, Agnes wants the haunt shut down. But her Dad shushes her since the town depends on the haunt and tomorrow is opening day and a little death isn't any reason to shut the place down. Public safety be damned!

Why someone is killing people at the long running attraction.  Is it retarded Junior?  Is it the drunken dragon operator who's just been released from jail after serving time for frying Lily?  Is it a random stranger?  Do we care?  Slightly, but once you find out who it is, it won't make any sense due to the long term ramifications.

The movie has cameos by Ryan Dunn and Bam Margera.  Ryan plays a guy waiting forty minutes for a pizza, and Bam opens the movie by doing a commercial for the haunted hayride. Yup, no point to either of these.  Then there's the music which sounds like something out of a cartoon or sitcom whenever someone says a line that's supposed to be funny.  It's out of place and makes the dialogue even more awkward since it's not that funny to begin with.  I guess the one thing about the movie that worked is I did look up their haunted attraction.  So their movie/advertising sort of worked.

Movies I Couldn't Get Through

Bunraku (2010)

Hey a movie with Josh Hartnett, Woody Harrelson, Ron Perlman, and Demi Moore?  Why does this movie not sound familiar?  Well I'm guessing because it's got a similar feel to Repo: the Genetic Opera.  I hated that movie.

A narrator speaks as we are shown desolate scenery from a post apocalyptic future, and damned if I didn't drift off.  Visually the movie looks good, but you have to be prepared for the cut out scenery and sets. You have to be able to suspend disbelief in your audience in order for them to buy into the premise, and this just didn't do it.  All three of us agreed to pull the plug on this one since we couldn't deal with it any longer.

Borderline Cult (2007)

Oh hell, no.  I'd rather sit through all of Bunraku, which is at least a competently done movie.  Borderline Cult one has 1 star on Netflix, and a 1.7 rating on IMDB.  It's about three serial killers who team up.  The first five minutes are so bad, there's no reason to go further.

Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (2011)

This is a Full Moon film, so I knew what to expect, but it was so much worse than I'd imagined. I'm not a Full Moon fan, but my friend, who's seen every Full Moon movie, couldn't even make it through this.

The Gingerdead Man is released from captivity by activists and  travels back in time to the disco era, where he begins killing. He starts with girls in bikinis at a car wash.  Ugh, this is unwatchable.

Inhuman Resources (2012)

If you're looking for a movie that takes place mostly in one room, then maybe this will suffice. After being found in an elevator holding an ax next to a decapitated body, Thomas Reddmann was convicted of being serial killer known as the Headhunter.  Reddmann insists he's not guilty, but ends up in the local sanitarium.   A few years later, the news reports Reddmann is killed while trying to escape.

Shortly after this news, six people are kidnapped and wake up in a dark office chained to desks with computers.  A man arrives who claims to be their boss. He calls himself Red and looks just like the Headhunter.  When the six victims realize they all were involved in the arrest or trial of Reddmann, their situation seems even more dire.

Red runs a tight ship.  Those who commit an infraction get a line carved into their foreheads.  Five offenses results in termination. For an innocent man, Red's certainly willing to decapitate those who are terminated for not following the rules.

Oddly enough their cuts barely bleed.  No one shall ask if Red uses the dullest knife ever or these six have mutant foreheads.  If you're ever cut your forehead, you know they bleed like hell.

Red quizzes each person about their testimony or role in the investigation. Then he assigns them to review the trial transcripts and evidence to discover the real killer.

This movie is fairly tedious and doesn't have a great pay off at the end.  Also it's annoying to watch someone get multiple punishments for the same infraction.

Ghoul (2013)

Timmy, Barry and Doug are best friends who spend their days exploring the woods, playing in the cemetery, and making an underground fort in a huge hole.  Timmy has a pretty good life, but both Barry and Doug are being abused by a parent.

When Doug falls through the ground at the cemetery, the boys discover a deep hole with a horrible odor.  They also discover a hole in the floor of the cemetery tool shed which leads to a tunnel. So they decide to come back the next night to investigate.

Years ago there was an accident in the local mine. One of the survivors swore that he saw something down there, and the legend of the ghoul was born.  After that whenever a person or pet disappeared, it was blamed on the ghoul.

When three teenagers disappear and another teen is found dead, Timmy wonders if it is the ghoul at work.  Things get unbearable for both Doug and Barry, and all three boys end up at the cemetery one night and something is after them.

When the protagonists are kids, there's always the question whether the film is intended for kids or adults.  Super 8 and Stand By Me revolve around kids and their exploits, but the movies are well done and adults can enjoy them too.   This movie seems to be aimed at teens, but it includes issues of child abuse, suicide, and infanticide.

The trailer I saw was pretty good so I was unaware that this was a TV movie, which explains why it's pretty tame.  Surprisingly the subject of child abuse is shown throughout the movie.  Doug's mother is molesting him, which he reveals to Timmy who he swears to secrecy. While Barry's father is drunk,  angry and physically abusive.  There's never any resolution to these situations so we're left wondering if the kids final experiences have empowered them so they can get out of the cycle of abuse, or the poor kids are going to keep being victims.

The movie is supposed to take place in 1984, but there is no way to know that without the movie telling us.  There's nothing in the feel of the movie or the clothing to portray this.

Blood Shed (2104)

Grumpy Gabriel lives in his car, is out of seizure medication, grimaces a lot, and receives an envelope with a key to his deceased parents storage unit.  There's not much of interest in the unit except for a trunk, and Gabriel doesn't have the key.

The storage facility has a number of homeless people living in it. Most of them are extremely annoying.  Gabriel sneaks into the facility at night work on getting the lock off the trunk. No one shall ask why he brings a hacksaw rather than a bolt cutter.  Lock 1, Gabriel 0.

In another plot line that will soon intersect, the ghost of a young woman is killing people who live in the storage facility. If any of them are pregnant,  she drags them to captivity in her basement lair. The not so convincing pregnant stomachs appear to have the texture of an orange. The women also end up covered in what appears to be tar, but just can't be.

After discovering Gabriel inside again, the Russian creep who owns the facility locks it up for the night, trapping Gabriel, the homeless, his office assistant and her friend inside.  Good luck with the ghost.

The first thing I expected based on the title of this movie was a shed.   Instead the movie takes place in a facility where people rent storage units.  I kept waiting for a shed until one of the characters told another to get out of her shed. So I guess it's a regional expression.

The movie is similar to many recent movies where people wander around without much dialogue, and then when the dialogue starts, you wish they'd shut their mouths. Also there is surprisingly little blood in the blood shed.  And why does Gabriel keep sniffing?  Does he have a cold, allergies, too much coke, or is it some sort of acting that is way off base?

Ladies and Gentlemen the Fabulous Stains (1982)

Teenager Corrine is fired live on the nightly news after an outburst at the local burger joint.  The attention leads to an interview in which she reveals (while smoking) that her mother recently died from lung cancer, and she's glad she got fired because now she can concentrate on her band, whose other members are his sister and cousin.

When Corrine finds out the Metal Corpses and the Looters are playing at a local club, she goes to the show in hopes of getting advice.  After being blown off by Billy, lead singer of the Looters, the tour manager recognizes her from the news. He's looking for an opening act and asks her band to join the tour.

The problem is the girls can barely play, Corrine sings in a monotone, and they aren't prepared to actually perform.  The other bands don't respect them, and the audience doesn't react well to their shaky performance.  A few shows into the tour, the guitar player for the Metal Corpses overdoses and dies backstage.  When a reporter asks about him, Corrine takes this opportunity to promote her band by stating she was his girlfriend.

By the next show Corrine has changed her look and attitude. She's belligerent toward the crowd and although she's wearing a see through shirt and essentially bikini bottoms, she emphatically states the Stains don't put out.

While TV newsmen see her as a joke, teenage girls and a female reporters see her as someone who can voice empowerment and feminism in the male dominated world.  Corrine and the Stains are surprised when at their next show, there's a huge crowd of teenage girls who have dyed their hair just like Corrine's, a style which causes them to be labeled skunks.  Things are looking up for the band and they feel like they're on the path to success and fame.

But all is not well, for Corrine is not mature enough to deal with the burgeoning attention, and hasn't had the best upbringing. Soon she steals Billy's song, which is a surprise to the Looters when the Stains open a gig by playing their song.

Rocknroll fables usually don't work out well. The music business is fickle and it's often who you know or being in the right place at the right time that makes or breaks you.  So don't expect a happy ending with riches and dreams realized.

On the commentary, Diane Lane and Laura Dern talk about how this movie was the catalyst for girls to form bands. Perhaps I misinterpreted their discussion but it sounded like they were unaware that there were all girl bands in the 1960s.  There were some great all girl garage bands. Then in the 1970s we had more well known bands such as The Runaways or the Go-Gos.  While the movie may have influenced some girls to form bands,  the Stains weren't a good band and doesn't provide a fairy tale ending.

I first saw this movie on NightFlight, probably in the mid 80s.  The reason I revisited it, other than it's a rocknroll movie, is that the Looters are played by Paul Cook and Steve Jones (Sex Pistols), and Paul Simonon (The Clash).    After the Sex Pistols, Paul Cook and Steve Jones formed a band called The Professionals.  There was a cool record store in my town back in the 80s, and they carried the Professional debut LP, which I bought.  The song that Corrine steals in the movie is an actual Professionals song.

Also of note, the Metal Corpses two main members are from The Tubes - Fee Waybill and the guy who plays the guitar player who overdoses - and Black Randy and the Metrosquad also appear in the film.

What I want to know is how the heck did they get away with Diane Lane in a see through top when she was fifteen?  Plus there's a shower scene, but mostly the nudity is hidden  What's interesting is that I found an article online written by a girl who was an extra when she was a teenager. She, her younger sister, and two friends were Skunks in the mall scene, where a hundred or so girls are dressed like Corrine.  She said that after everything was set up, wardrobe gave everyone the red see through shirts and urged them to remove whatever they had on, and wear the provided top instead.  The parents had already disappeared from the set when this took place. Creepy.

Ray Winstone as Billy and Paul Simonon

Diane Lane as Corrine with her skunk hairdo

Episode 50 (2011)

A team of paranormal investigators are contacted about visiting a haunted asylum with the purpose to either provide proof of the supernatural, or to debunk the claims of a haunting.   The twist is that they will be competing against another group who want to prove spirits exist, and are biased since they're very religious.

The paranormal research team has a TV show. They've done 49 episodes and have debunked claims at every place they've been.  So they are skeptical and expect a repeat of their previous investigations.  For some reason, they believe this is their big break.  Perhaps their show is just cable access? Don't know whether I drifted off or they never provided info on what level of TV they were on.

Since this is a found footage movie, it's obvious that our skeptical investigators are bound to run into something unexpected and deadly.  As with many point of view/found footage movies, not much happens for the majority of the movie.  There aren't any characters that are particularly appealing and you won't care when something starts making them rue the day they ventured into this place. The acting is very pedestrian and typical of low budget found footage films.

Monster in the Woods (2012)

The director of a low budget film is told that his movie needs more sex and violence. So he takes his crew and actors into the woods to shoot additional footage. Once in the woods, the director is accidentally killed by a boom mic. People begin to disappear due to the monster in the woods, but the the new person in charge insists they keep shooting.

The movie is a mixture of point of view shots and regular footage.  This is explained by stating they're doing a behind the scenes feature.  There's nudity and sex before the credits, which is one of the signs a movie is won't be good.  There are characters that are introduced about half way through the film and have nothing to do with the previous plot.  The reason the monsters are there is explained at the end, but it's not a satisfying explanation. Blah.

All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

When snotty cheerleader Alex dies in a cheerleading accident, her friends move on a little too quickly for nerdy Maddy who was filming Alex at the time for a class documentary.  Maddy wants to make a tribute video, but her time interviewing the cheerleaders and football stars lead her to decide to ruin their senior year.

Maddy is able to grab the open cheerleading spot and goes from unpopular nerd to cheerleader overnight.  She ditches her best friend, a goth Wicca (so you know she's not popular), and begins working from the inside to cause trouble between the football team and cheerleaders.  When the football star decides he doesn't like what's happening, things get really messed up and result in a fatal accident.

This starts out slow, but over all is fairly decent. The biggest problem is that there's no way to get past one stupid plot point.  The Wicca girl has a pouch of runes that she carries with her, and the runes end up controlling some teens who are undead.  Yet when the Wicca girl goes to class, she puts the freaking thing in her locker... at school.... which is unlocked.  Seriously?  Why wouldn't you wear it around your neck, or carry it with you? Does your school actually have a rule about not carrying pouches?  If so, don't they let you carry purses or bags?  What the hell were you thinking?

Though there is an ending (rather than one of those crappy movies which say to be continued at the end), the movie is set up for a sequel.

Orca: The Killer Whale (1977)

After a killer whale saves a crew member from a shark attack, strange looking Captain Nolan pays the helpful species back by deciding it would be a great idea to hunt one down and sell it for a profit. However his harpooning isn't the best and instead of hitting the happily swimming male, he lances the female.

Nolan has already been warned by Rachel, the towns resident whale psychologist, and Annie (played by Bo Derek) that he shouldn't mess with the whales. They mate for life and capturing one could mean you've taken away a whales mate.   Unfortunately for the killer whales, Nolan's a dick.

When they pull the female aboard, the crew discovers that Nolan killed a mother and her unborn whale child.  Orca is not amused.  In fact, Orca is so pissed that he decides he won't rest until Nolan pays for destroying his family.  In a strange coincidence, Nolan reveals that his wife and unborn child were driving to the hospital when they were killed by a drunk driver.  If only a drunk Orca behind the wheel, then we wouldn't hate Nolan as much.

Vengeful Orca starts sinking boats in the towns harbor, because that's what revenge crazy killer whales do.  A Native American shows up to make sure we know that Orca is sinking all the boats except Nolan's because he wants to fight Nolan at sea.   Nolan ain't gonna mess with no bat shit crazy Orca, which is essentially the same as telling the town to go to hell because Orca's on a killing spree that can only be appeased by Nolan facing him.

Whale psychologist Rachel tells a class that killer whales are smart and that if we were as smart as whales we wouldn't need words because we could communicate telepathically and words would just be redundant and retarded, (yes, Rachel actually says retarded).  Soon Orca proves her right by sinking all the boats, busting a hole in the towns gas line,  setting the fuel tanks on fire, and knocking over the supports on the dock so she can chomp on Annies broken leg.  After this, not only does Orca hate Nolan, but so does the whole town. I'm not sure whey they don't just throw him in the water, but they're trying to force him out of town on his own accord.

Released a few years after Jaws, this isn't as interesting a film. It's scarier to have a killer shark randomly attacking people, than a killer whale out for revenge against the guy who killed it's mate and child.  You want the shark in Jaws to die because he kills for no reason, but you feel sorry for Orca whose been traumatized.  You're routing for Nolan to die, while wondering why all the other crew members need to go out on his ship because you know they're going to taste Orca's vengeance.

There's an unintentionally funny scene with Rachel with a voice over talking about how cold it is on the boat.  She's lying under the covers and appears to be naked. No one shall ask why she doesn't just put on some clothes, as that would probably help her feel warmer.

Almost Human (2013)

A panicked Seth shows up at Mark and Jen's house stating their friend Rob disappeared on the way.  Seth is freaked out because  whatever took Rob followed him there.  Mark goes outside after being warned that something's out there and disappears in a beam of light.

Two years later, there are strange lights, power fluctuations, and weird happenings in town.  Seth thinks something bad is going to happen.  He's been having nosebleeds and strange dreams about Mark.  So he tracks down Jen.

Jen has been working at a local diner and is engaged to another man.  Her co-workers are alarmed to see Seth because when Mark originally disappeared, Seth was blamed by the authorities, but there wasn't enough evidence to charge him.  Seth tells Jen he thinks Mark is coming back.

In a nearby town, Mark appears in the woods, which is unfortunate since he's large and naked. After killing a couple of hunters, he starts trying to get back home, killing anyone who gets in his way.  Why is Mark back? Where has he been? Is he an alien?  What the hell is going on?

Overall it's an okay low budget movie, but the alien screeching sound is so annoying.  There has to be a middle ground between sounds that might be made in times of terror, while taking into account that no one wants to hear this repeatedly. It's not scary, just irritating.

The movie is set in the late 1980s and takes place in a rural Maine town, which I assume was in tribute to Stephen King. Also there's a gratuitous alien sex scene out of nowhere, which is gross.

The Last Days on Mars (

Hey, it's your last day before going home.  You know what happens when it's your last day on the job?  You die.

On their last day on Mars, the Commander of the multi-country mission calls everyone back to their base to prepare for their six month trip back to Earth.  The Russian cosmonaut, who found a new organism and wants another sample, cons his way outside by telling the Commander that there is a necessary repair to be done.

While attaining another sample, the surface crumbles beneath his feet and he falls into a chasm.  The man with him shouts a mayday to the base, and most of the others arrive to assess the situation.  After deciding to attempt a rescue, the others head back to the base to find it empty, and two sets of footprints heading away.

The two people holding down the base are surprised when shortly afterwards, their two missing crew members reappear. They're even more surprised when the removal of their helmets reveal skulls rather than faces. As if that isn't bad enough, these creatures are in a blood frenzy and communications are down, which will be a problem if the others return and aren't aware that there's something there that's out for blood.  And if they are aware, then how will everyone fight off or subdue whatever is inhabiting the bodies of the crew?

This movie will probably remind you of the Thing, Alien, or many other space movies, but if you can get past that, it's actually pretty well done.

Bell From Hell (1973)

aka La campana del infierno

John is released from an asylum, jumps on a motorcycle, and visits an old man sitting in the woods.  Who? Why? Where? No idea.  Then he takes a job at a slaughterhouse prior to heading home. In a bit of foreshadowing, John quits after a few days stating he's learned enough.

He heads home to the estate left to him by his mother, where his Aunt and three cousins have been living. John believes they orchestrated his being committed to the asylum so that they could live a life of luxury in his mansion.

John's a bit of a jerk, with practical jokes consisting of make up so that his eyes appear to have been gouged out. Yes, you're so funny John.  He also tells a visitor that his Aunt believes she can see the ghosts of his three cousins, knowing that the girls will be returning shortly from their excursion. Sure enough, as they come in out of the fog, the man bolts believing that he is also seeing three ghosts.

This is one of those slow moving films that I don't enjoy. John is creepy and torments his relatives.  But it's not a good revenge movie because it's not clear if they really had John locked up.  One thing of note is on the final day of filming, the director either fell or jumped from the bell tower, and died.

Blast Vegas (2013)

With a name like Blast Vegas, and the wave of destruction behind the two characters on the DVD cover, I expected there would be some sort of huge explosion in this film. But I'm guessing it refers to little nerdy Frankie Muniz having a swell time when he meets a nerdy girl (i.e. pretty girl made to look plain).

The plot involves Nelson (Frankie) and his fraternity pals going to Las Vegas for vacation.  The guys steal an ancient Egyptian relic from the lobby of the hotel, and inadvertently unleash an evil curse on the city.  This involves a large creature a-stompin', sand storms a-blowin', and buildings a-crumblin'.  Lord help us!

Nelson and his friends are safe inside, but he insists on going to the restaurant where he planned to meet Olive on a date.  He's only known her one day, but he's prepared to sacrifice his life, as well as his friends, in order to find her. Lucky for him, lounge singer Sal knows the town like the back of his hand, which includes a series of underground tunnels that go from building to building below the city.

What you've got is another Syfy movie that's fairly generic in plot and execution, but is an okay way to pass the time if you're hanging out with nothing to do.  It wasn't horrible, but it isn't going to reel you in and keep you on the edge of the seat either. The situations and plot are cliche, so anyone who's seen a lot of movies will be able to predict everything that happens.

One thing that's funny is the streets are deserted, yet when they drive down the road, people are constantly running out in front of them. There's one car on the road, yet these people just have to get in front of it.  The best thing about the movie is Barry Bostwick, who plays lounge singer Sal.  Bostwick has had some interesting roles lately, not that this is great, but he's good at hamming it up.

Cyber Tracker (1994)

Special Agent Eric Philips has a home security system named Agnes 4000.  Agnes can detect sarcasm, wakes him up in the morning, and even turns the shower on and off.  Philips is a little too friendly with Agnes, but then again, his wife is dead so he's lonely.

Philips has been assigned to protect Senator Dilly, head of Cybercorp and a proponent of the Computerized Judicial System.   Instead of having a trial, the government makes the decision of guilt.  If they believe you're guilty, they dispatch a huge, muscular, human-like cyborg to dispense justice. Justice consists of blowing someones head off.

When anti-Cybercorp freedom fighters, the Union of Human Rights, show up at Dilly's rally with the intent to kill him, Philips spots one of the gunman and stops the assassination attempt.  Dilly thinks this is a-ok, and asks the head of security to test Philips loyalty to see if he's one of them.  Seems like he's already pretty loyal, but Dilly wants Philips to get with the program, which is being willing to murder anyone associated with the freedom fighters.  Security says that's a stupid move since Philips is new to the team, but Dilly wants to dispense with formalities and get right down to the murder test.

When Philips balks, Dilly frames him and a police bulletin goes out just as Philips is heading into the police station to report the murder.  On the run from the law, Philips ends up being captured by the freedom fighters and forced to infiltrate the evil Cybercorp headquarters.  So there you go.

It's a pretty ridiculous movie, but I'm always willing to watch Cyber movies since they tend to predict the future in unintentionally silly ways.  So it's got that going for it, but not much else.

Cyborgs of the future

Glad they have to technology to determine which one is
hostile. I would have gone with the one holding the gun.

Luckily they had an 8x10 glossy of the suspect

Wooden pallets aren't the best protection from gunfire

Why has Cybercorp put their log on the US flag?

You've got some robot on your shirt

Dire Wolf (2009)

aka Dinowolf

Scientists take marrow from a Dire Wolf fossil and combine it with human DNA, resulting in a creature they keep locked in a tank.  One day the creature escapes (as they do), kills security and night workers, and leaves the building to run through the woods of the small town nearby.  Deaths in the area sky rocket and those who see the creature aren't sure what it is. It has mangy hair, a large rubber mouth, and looks fairly ridiculous.  But it can rip your intestines out so don't make fun of it.

The military sends in two agents who represent themselves as FBI agents to the Sheriff who happens to check in when the night security guard doesn't show up at the local diner for breakfast, which he's done every work day for five years. Meanwhile the game warden, who is the adopted son of the Sheriff, is harassed by local yokels.

This is a Fred Olen Ray film, but doesn't have the charm of some of his older Bmovies. It's similar to something you'd see on the Syfy channel.  It's okay to have on while you're doing laundry, but is a bit boring if you're not doing something else while you watch.  There's never an explanation of how the creature escapes, or why the genetic lab doesn't have better security.  Good god, you've got a huge dire wolf/human hybrid - make sure the damn thing is locked up tight.

I'd never heard of a Dire Wolf, other than the old Grateful Dead song of the same name.  Apparently it's an extinct animal about the size of a gray wolf, but in this case it's bigger than most humans.  The film stars Maxwell Caulfield (Grease 2) and Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers).  When the security guard states a noise was probably a draft, I mistakenly thought he said it was probably a giraffe, which made me wonder why a giraffe was in a genetic research facility. They should have gone with that because it wouldn't be ripping people's throats out.

Sleeping Beauty (2014)

Casper van Dien is a King with a terrible accent. His real wife and daughter play the Queen and Princess, which makes me think they saw a cool castle while on vacation and decided to find funding for a movie and pulled a Will Smith by casting their child.

When the Princess is a baby, a witch casts a spell that when she's sixteen, she will prick her finger on a spindle and fall into a coma, as well as the entire kingdom.  The good witches counter that spell stating she will be woken by the kiss of a Prince.

Naturally the King gets rid of every spindle in the Kingdom.  He also locks the Princess in a tower until her sixteenth birthday, at which time there is a huge feast and she's allowed out.

I swear the witch said when she was 16, but the family believes the spindle incident is to happen prior to age 16.  Is this an issue of continuity, or purposely done? No idea.  Of course, the Princess is a stupid teenager and on her first night of freedom, she sticks her finger on a spindle, falls into a deep sleep and takes the Kingdom down with her.

One hundred years later, the cowardly nasty Prince Jayson's whipping boy, Barrow, has pieced together a map showing how to get to the castle in her kingdom.  When the Prince gets hold of this, he and his thugs drag Barrow with them on their journey to claim the Kingdom and kiss the Princess.
Of course we all know fairy tales don't let cowardly princes win the hand of the fair Princess.

This is another film by The Asylum.  Nuff said.