Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Curse of Blanchard Hill (2006)

A group of teens go camping at Blanchard Hill. A man disappeared there twenty two years ago and there are legends that the woods are cursed. But kids keep going there to make out and camp.  This turns out to be not such a great idea since the guy who disappeared - and was killed somehow by nature -  haunts the woods punishing those who don't respect nature - and by punish, I mean he murders them.

Two lame, drunk, coked up, undercover detectives are called in to investigate since they are close by.  They're essentially useless, just like every other character in this film.

This movie is the equivalent of a bunch of friends deciding to make a movie.  I have no idea if that's the case, but I hope so.  The campfire scenes have a crackling fire that's louder than the dialogue. There are a few scenes where people's lips move but there's no talking. Oddly enough, all the women are overweight and willing to be topless.  And one guy's hair drastically changes lengths overnight.

At first glance, one of the detectives appears to be a middle aged man, until you see him close up and realize he's in his twenties. Honestly he resembles my uncle who died at 45 when his heart exploded, what with the excessive drinking, smoking, and eating - all of which this kid is doing in the film.  And IMDB trivia says his puking scene was real because he was hungover.  This might be funny for your friends, but not so much for the poor audience.  Hung over and puking? Yup, that tells you what type of film to expect.
this shot lets us know we're in for a long uncomfortable ride
He starts as a short haired 45 year old man and transforms into
a long haired, greasy, drunken college kid overnight
He might be pretty cool if he weren't driving a minivan
When this is a set, you know it's a very low budget movie
The only thing more unflattering than this shot,
is that he's trying to look cool by leaning against the tree.

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