Sunday, June 23, 2013

Spiders (2013)

When a piece of a space station falls to Earth, it brings with it space spiders which is unfortunate since it crashes into the New York subway system.  Jason, who works for the New York Transit system, is on the case.  He sends an investigator to look into what happened, but the man is bitten a spider and dies.  At first it's believed that he died by touching the third rail, but the autopsy reveals he's ripe with spider eggs. Blech!

Jason's ex-wife Rachel just happens to be an annoying, psycho-eyed, whiny, angry Health Department worker. So Jason asks her to examine the eggs, which he got from the Doctor doing the autopsy.  No one shall ask why a forensic doctor would give evidence from an autopsy to a guy who works for the subway, but I guess we're not supposed to question that.

Rachel and her vacant expression confirm to Jason that the eggs are of the spider variety. Unknown to them both, the military and Russian scientist involved in spider experiments are cordoning off the neighborhood where Rachel's apartment is and their daughter is inside.

With spiders on the loose, things start getting bad. People stream out of the subway screaming because there are dead rats on the platform...wait, I'm not buying it. I don't believe they would shut down the subway or that New Yorkers would run away from rats. It's freakin' New York. They ride rats like horses, not run from them.

Now it's a different story when a load of  over sized spiders swarm an exterminator, eat him, and are immune to pesticides sprayed directly on them. Yeah, you'd better scream and run from those spiders.

Oh movie, you're so average.  If this isn't a Syfy movie, then it's the same caliber.  Rachel is the worst. She's either screaming, crying, or bitching - except for when she has a vacant look on her face which makes her look psychotic since she's just staring blankly when people are talking to her. Perhaps she's trying to convey an emotion of... concern?  Also watch for the scene where Jason's hair gets bigger.  The conversation went like this: Me- "Did his hair just get bigger?"  Tristan - "Wait, he's not wearing a hat?"

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