Monday, September 23, 2013

Lizzie (2013)

Lizzie Allen moves into her childhood home and starts hallucinating and having nightmares.  Her boyfriend Jason tells her she's crazy, which doesn't help when she can't remember her childhood and is seeing a psychiatrist regarding her problems.

Lizzie keeps hearing noises in the house. At one point she hears a knocking and freaks out, repeatedly screaming, "Who is it?"  It turns out to be the cable guy at the front door. Lizzie lets him in while in her underwear and never puts on any pants. Okay that's not normal.

The creepy cable guy leers at her as he works but she doesn't notice.  Eventually he tells her she's sexy because she's stupid and appears to be on the verge of either sexually assaulting or murdering her.  Lizzie proves his assertion to be correct when she isn't alarmed in the slightest at the potential threat in front of her. Oddly enough, nothing more ever comes of this.

Lizze spends a lot of her time screaming, "Who is it?" and the rest of her time drinking wine. Actually the two of those overlap as she's always got a bottle or glass  with her, even going so far as to take a glass of wine into the shower with her.

There's a tiny door on the side of the house that Lizzie and a neighbor decide to break open.  Unfortunately they both prove to be stupid when their idea of getting it opening is to smack it with an axe a couple of times.  With tiny dents in the center of the door, they both work at prying it open. Hey, here's a tip for you. Next time you try to pry open a door, pull on the side that is opposite the hinges.

Lizzie and Jason start fighting a lot, and that isn't helped by Jasons prank - scaring her when she investigates a noise in the house. Idiot Jason steps out wearing a ski mask and carrying a hatchet with his hands covered in blood. No one shall ask how Jason managed to get a girl friend and be immature enough to think this is okay. Perhaps that's why he dates crazy girls.

When she asks her psychiatrist for stronger pills, he tells her she can't drink with this prescription (Pffft!). Soon the ghosts of Lizzie Borden and her murdered family members are acting out the tragedy in the house.  Oh hell, no.  Lizzie's ghost just looks like someone did their own Halloween makeup by rubbing black grease paint around her eyes. Gary Busey is her Mr. Borden and barely has any screen time.

As per most Lizzie Borden movies, Lizzie takes offense to the belief that she is a murderer and reacts by killing people. Geez Lizzie, think!  And think before you watch this because it's may be good for a laugh or two, but that's about it.

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