Monday, September 9, 2013

Solomon Kane (2009)

Battle loving, sword wielding, warrior / Sea Captain Solomon Kane fights his way into a chamber of riches and finds the Grim Reaper demanding his soul.  Kane isn't happy with this turn of events and puts up a fight. When his efforts don't succeed, he eventually dives through a stained glass window and plummets into the sea.

After finding refuge in a monastery and donating all his money to them, Kane changes his evil ways. But after a year, he is asked to leave.  His journey takes him to the forest where he is approached by three thugs. Since he is now a man of peace, he refuses to fight. This proves to be unfortunate when they thump him on the back of the head.

When Kane awakens, he finds himself in the back of a wagon and being nursed to health by a Puritan family.  He continues traveling with them as they discuss forgiveness and provide him with new clothes and a Pilgrim hat.  Everything is going great which means that the only way Kane could possibly be spurred into action and go against his vow of non-violence (which is the only thing keeping him out of hell) is that this sweet, loving Puritan family must be nearing a horrible death.

Sure enough, evil Malachi's minions attack travelers in the woods, including Kane's companions. In his search for the surviving daughter, Kane is told she is dead which leads him into a drunken stupor that results in crucifixion. Yeah, I didn't expect it either. But just when you think he's done for, you realize only half the movie is over. Then Kane's inner berserker comes to the fore and he's off to commence with the slaughter, all while looking distractingly like Hugh Jackman. Hurrah!

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