Saturday, April 19, 2014

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014)

While towing an iceberg to Egypt, the crew of a tugboat notice a problem and before they can react, the iceberg splits releasing mega shark. Heaven help us!  What else could the military do, but send in their newest nautical project Mecha Shark, a massive mechanical shark piloted by the least competent woman in the world.

I'm not sure why they picked Rosie to pilot their experimental fighting shark. She releases torpedoes but the misses the shark and sinks a US submarine full of sailors.  She admits to not being able to shoot and aim at the same time. She is jostled into unconsciousness, and snores away until Nero, the mecha shark's computer, rescues her and sets the shark vessel free from where it was trapped on the bottom of the ocean.  

After bringing her home to recuperate, her husband Jack decides he doesn't want her back in the mecha shark since she's so weak from that jostling incident. So he installs Nero as the autopilot in the newest, biggest government shark.  Jack and Nero talk a lot and Nero's voice is very distracting since he sounds like KITT from Knight Rider.

Debbie Gibson appears to help them with her massive shark knowledge. For some reason that is not adequately explained, Rosie has to fly in to talk to her even though there's nothing said that they couldn't have discussed over the phone.   Debbie is probably only in the film about ten minutes total and is mostly seen by herself talking into a phone.

The Asylum comes up with fantastic titles, but as usual the execution is fairly uninteresting, and we're talking a giant mechanical shark fighting a giant real shark. How can that be boring? Yet somehow, it is.

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