Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Hellgate (1990)

Legend has it that the ghost town owners daughter Josie (who runs like a newborn calf) was killed by bikers.  This made her father hate strangers, which is bad news since he runs a tourist attraction ghost town.  Perhaps he should have just hated bikers?

The old caretaker finds a crystal in the mine that shoots lasers and gives it to Josie's father.  Her father uses it to bring dead animals back to life and mutate living animals.  The problem with this - other than the obvious - is that they explode.  Since there doesn't seem to be any explanation for why the animals explode but Josie doesn't, there is exposition simply stating that the laser has been perfected.

Thirty years later some friends on a vacation run into the ghost late at night on a lonely road, and drive her home to the ghost town.  She invites Matt, played by Ron "Horshack" Palillo, into her home and leads him up to the bedroom.  Then the viewer is presented with the most awkward love scenes ever recorded.  Horschack should definitely not be kissing girls.

Many things are not explained, like why is the zombie biker working at the garage?  How did a girl who died in the 1950s get a Glamor Shot photo?  Is this a parallel universe where Horshack is a chick magnet? And most importantly, why does the fake ghost town have a real cemetery?

This is a confusing mess of a movie.  But it's so ridiculous that I found it amusing.  The funniest part?  The crane shot of the ghost town reveals it is just a facade!

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