Thursday, February 7, 2013

Scary or Die (2012)

The description we saw said it was about a clown that mauls someone. Sounds great! So imagine our surprise when it starts with someone going a web site called scary or die and clicks on a video which has nothing to do with clowns. Huh? Wait... is this an anthology?  Because I would hope that would be in the description so we wouldn't be stuck watching a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with rampaging clowns. Aw, damn it!

There are five segments held together by scenes of a hand holding a mouse and a computer screen with choices of videos to click on.  The characters in the videos overlap, tenuously connecting each story line.

Here's a basic description of each segment:

  1. red necks kidnap Mexicans, and bring them back to the border with deadly intentions
  2. depressed man saves woman from being murdered by stranger and gets invited to a 1am party at her house - note: nothing good ever happens at parties that start that late
  3. guy with body in trunk gets pulled over by police
  4. clown bites man who develops a bad limp, refuses to get any medical treatment even though the bite keeps getting worse, and he begins turning into a creepy clown
  5. abused woman comes back for revenge
There's nothing new here unless you are new to horror films.  In fact, a couple of the stories are so cliche that it's irritating to see the resolution.  Word of advice- if your zombie movie ends with the last survivor being mistaken for a zombie by gun toting zombie squads, then you need to start over.  

This leads us to the clown story, which is the longest story of the bunch.  There's one major problem with it.  After the attack, the police ask for the name of the clown, and the family just shrugs and looks blank.  Seriously?  What sort of lunatic hires a random unknown clown for a childs birthday party?    Where'd they find him?  They don't know his clown name or his real name.  They have no contact info for him.  They know nothing about him.  He looked creepy as hell and acted super weird.  Sure, sounds like the perfect guy to be near a group of young children.  Good god movie, I just can't get past this.

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