Monday, February 18, 2013

Sand Shark (2012)

Oh no!  What's that swimming through the sand?  It can't be one of those prehistoric sand sharks.  Not on the weekend of spring break during the island's music festival that the mayor's son Jimmy is putting on so he can pay off his debts and not get whacked.  Oh yes, it is!

Earthquake opens fissure in ocean which releases prehistoric creature known for swimming in sand - which makes you wonder why it was released under the ocean, but there you go. Sand shark.

This is kind of like a cross between Tremors, Jaws, Piranha, and Blood Beach - haven't actually seen Blood Beach, but they both feature something under the sand sucking people down into the dirt.  Um, except it's nowhere near as good and will not in anyway imitated and enjoyed for years to come.

Of special note is the semi man-sized Brooke Hogan as Dr. Sandy Powers, shark scientist and expert. Oh please.....  It's awkward to watch her pretend to be a brainy scientist.  But it's even more awkward to see her offering her hand to the Sheriff to help him up on rocks.  Uh yes, nothing emasculates you more than the manly girl taking on the typical masculine role of protecting the love interest. Not that a female can't kick ass, but the gender subtexts seem to be really off here.

The festival is amusing. The crowd shots are close up of about twenty people and you can tell there's no one else behind them.  At one point the Sheriff runs through the crowd which is strategically placed because otherwise he'd be able to easily get around them. Sometimes they pan out more so you can see hardly anyone is on the beach.

Don't know if this was a Syfy channel movie, but it fits right in with their stuff.  I definitely like the idea of sand sharks but  - and this should go without saying - if Brooke Hogan is one of your leads, it can't be that great a movie.

Best line:
"You're going to need a bigger beach."

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