Monday, February 11, 2013

The Jackhammer Massacre (2004)

After his friend Mike introduces him to drugs, Jack loses his fancy job, home, car, and life.  He spends his days lifting weights that are way too heavy for him, taking drugs, and hanging out with the neighborhood skank.  When Mike od's, Jack continues his drug consumption at an ever increasing rate which leads to an inability to pay his dealer.

In an attempt to get money to pay off his debt and avoid death, Jack gets a job as night janitor in a warehouse.  The janitor market must be depleted if this dirt caked loser seemed like a viable option.  Were there no other applicants?

Not only does Jack work there, but he moves in and sleeps on a mattress that might just be filthier than he is.  His dealer and a  flunky show up one night, beat the hell out of him, and inject him with a massive overdose.  Wouldn't that mean the dealer is out more money?

Instead of killing Jack, the overdose turns him into a lunatic who  starts seeing the ghost of his dead friend. Jack grabs the closet thing available which is a conveniently plugged in jackhammer and takes out his insanity on the dealer and his flunky.

The next day a potential buyer comes to the warehouse.  You'd think the owner would be a little more careful who he hires.  Jack would not be a good person for a buyer to run into on the property, even before he became a hallucinating homicidal maniac, which he is for the rest of the movie. Hurrah!

Jack isn't much of a threat when you realize he only kills people who wander into the warehouse.  I think that means that 99.9% of the free world has nothing to worry about as far as Jack is concerned. Just don't go into that warehouse.

Also the jackhammer is plugged in, yet none of the victims make any attempt to unplug it or run beyond the reach of the plug.

There are so many things in this movie that scream gay porn:  the tight tank tops; the muscles, gold chains and blow dry hairstyles; the shirtless guy with his pants slung low; the arm wound that resembles a scrotum; and the jackhammer thrusting into a mans mouth.

I knew this movie would be trouble when the description on the DVD box had a line that said, "Jack also believes that the DEA and other supernatural authorities are out to kill him."  Uhhh, since when is the DEA a supernatural entity?

Cliche dialogue:

  • "Don't you die on me!"
  • "Okay, this is not supposed to be happening."
  • "I need you. Don't give up on me."

Most ridiculous line:

"Who is it? Are you supposed to be here?" said to dirty, greasy guy with insane eyes holding a jackhammer and wearing a shirt covered in blood

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