The Stitcher (2007)

A group of friends go to a small hick town for the weekend after one of the girls inherits a house from her aunt.  On the way there,   one girl loses her directions and stops at a local store to ask for directions and use the restroom.  The bathroom is covered in blood, which freaks her out, but not enough to stop looking for a  map.  Okay Crazy, good riddance!

None of the group is aware that the town is menaced by The Stitcher, a local killer who sews buttons on himself.  Yeah sounds like he'd be in more pain than anyone else until you realize that he's going to kill you to get your buttons.  You see, there's a textile mill in town and if you're wearing buttons, the Stitcher's going to get you.  Yeah.... that about sums it up.

The characters hang out, play pool, drink, are totally unlikeable and most of them are annoying.

This is shot on video and has all the hallmarks of an amateur film - the jokes fall flat, the acting ranges from passable to downright horrible, they plug the band who did the soundtrack in the film - not once but twice - and they ramp up the repulsion level by thinking fake hillbilly teeth and flatulence are comedy gold.  The local yokels all have dirt smudged on their faces and there is a wacky homeless lady.

Even the bloopers aren't funny.  It seems like the cast and crew had fun on the set, which is cool. But having fun doesn't mean you've made a good movie.  Well, I'm sure the bloopers are funny if you were on set, but if not, they're not that interesting.

Most ridiculous dialogue:  "...my aunt died. She never could have kids. So I'm the closest thing to family she has."  Uhhhh, wait, if she's you're aunt, she is family.

If you're going to make a movie, you need to lean how to spell check
Please note that we have a Blooper REAL

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

Underwater drilling along the Jersey Shore causes vibrations which unleash deep water albino sharks which had towards the coastline.  A group of friends, based on the dopes on Jersey Shore, hang around the beach, drink in the bar, get in fights with rich preppy kids, discover the half eaten body of a fisherman, and notice the sharks swimming along the shore.

Being the good kids that they are, they try to warn the police, where The Complication's father is the chief, but no one believes them. So they ask the radio station to air a warning.  When that fails, they try to warn the crowd at the Joey Fatone concert on the beach.

When Joey and his manager don't believe them, they head over to the country club to warn the preps even though they hate them.  They don't believe them either.  In fact no one believes their warning until Joey Fatone is eaten mid performance by a shark. Hurrah!

As it's fourth of July weekend, the mayor does damage control by showing the press a dead shark and declaring the water safe for human frolicking.  But you know that's a big mistake as anytime someone says to close the beaches and the mayor is refuses, there's bound to be death in the water.

This is a stereotypical shark movie with annoying reality TV kids. It's passable if watching with friends or you've got it on in the background as you do something else.  I was sorely disappointed that the Guido's are the heroes and don't all die a horrible death.

Gantz (2010)

A group of strangers who may or may not be dead are transported to a small room where a large black orb called Gantz provides them with body armor and weapons, and sends them on a mission to kill an alien living on Earth.

The two main characters are teenagers who were best friends when they were children, but now they are essentially strangers.

They are teleported to a location near the alien with instructions to find him and kill him.  They must learn how to fight and use their weapons, or their intended victim may kill them.  Some players don't want to kill anyone. Others are willing to do what they have to as it keeps them alive.

Each person is awarded points based on their battle and the most going to the person who kills the alien.  Once they get 100 points, they can go back to their lives with their memory of this erased, or they can resurrect a dead player.  Since players often only get 1 point in a mission, it is almost impossible to get the required number of points.

Once the mission is over, they are transported back to their regular lives.  But they never know when Gantz may summon them again, and by summon, it means teleport them to the white room for another alien killing mission.

The movie is based on Anime, which I haven't read.  That's probably a good thing as I have nothing to compare it to and can't be disappointed if they take liberties with the story.  I liked this movie. It's bizarre but it's another one where there's a second movie which wraps up the first.  It wasn't as much of a cliffhanger as the Death Note movies, but just keep that in mind.

Filth to Ashes: Flesh to Dust (2011)

A group of teens head out to the old abandoned building in the middle of nowhere where a serial killer used to take his victims.  They plan to go in and take pictures since one of the girls hasn't gotten an acceptance letter yet from Harvard.  They figure if she gets the scoop on this serial killer, then Harvard will be impressed and accept her. Huh?!  That makes no sense whatsoever.  So she's going to send them photos taken with a point and shoot camera?  Oh yes, they'll be ever so impressed.

Once they get there, most of the group are scared to go in.  Our Harvard wanna be musters up her courage by repeating, "Harvard... Harvard..."  Her friends say this is an awesome idea because "who else is going to have access to a serial killer?"  Right. Because Harvard is really impressed by people who have access to serial killers.

Everyone knows the killer is dead as the story was in all the newspapers when the killings were discovered. But for some reason, he shows up. What's up with that? No explanation is ever offered.

Oh and some of the kids are racists, just like our killer.  This makes our annoying teen victims far more unlikeable than your normal obnoxious teen in horror movies these days.  Why are all teens/college students in recent horror movies hideous people? In older films there might be one or two that you hated, but the others were okay, even if they were dorky stereotypes.  But now it's just people you hate, and maybe an over the top nerd and one sweet innocent girl.  How about some characters I don't want to see die?  Damn writers!

Schizo (1976)

Famous figure skater Samantha gets married and the next week of her life sucks.  The wedding night and first week of married life should be best. But the Ice Queen's involves a bloody machete to cut wedding cake, attempted murder, fake spiders, fights, psychic arguments, drunks, stalking, and her friend hitting on her husband. What next?

William, who used to date Samantha's mother and stabbed her to death as Samantha watched, sees the wedding announcement in the paper and decides to get in touch - and by in touch I mean creepily stalk her and try to murder her.  The problem is that no one will believe her, including her new husband.

People she knows get killed and still no one believes her.  Odd things show up in the house, no one believes her.  Hey was the maid here today?  No. That's odd it looks like someone's been in the house.  Oh well, nothing to worry about, it's not like someone is trying to kill you or anything.  You'd think they'd believe her what with all the mysterious deaths and the large bloody machete which showed up at the wedding.

Forever Evil (1987)

Mark plans a weekend at his parents lake home before they put it on the market. His girlfriend Holly, his brother Jay and Jay's girlfriend Julie, plus another couple are ready for a weekend of partying. However evil has been unleashed... somewhere... but it  must be nearby since soon everyone is fighting for their lives.

After Mark, the only survivor, is released from the hospital, he meets Reggie, a woman who was the lone survivor of a similar  demonic slaughter of her friends.  The two team up with Detective Leo to figure out what is happening and why.

There is no question that this falls into the bad movie category.  But for some reason, I kind of liked it.  It's too long, clocking in at almost two hours, and our hero looks like a cross between Jack Black and William Shatner in his T.J. Hooker days. This is kind of creepy and kind of fascinating at the same time.

If you watch the trailer, it makes the movie look like the Evil Dead.  But it's not in the same league at all.

Most insulting fond recollection of a girlfriend ever:
Mark:  "So anyway, Holly wasn't exactly what you'd call beautiful, but she knew how to use make up."

Ouch!

Something happens.

William Shatner praises his brothers love of generic College.

Oh... this doesn't look good. Do you think we should leave?

Someone watched the Evil Dead.

Professional Lawman here. Yes, my wall is covered with
ridiculous tabloid clippings - why do you ask?

Mark's research involves looking at Microfiche and reading
obviously made up stories from tabloids.

High waisted slacks above the navel and a sleeveless
undershirt? What is this the 1940s?

This fabulous grappling hook invention
will save our lives... oh I guess it won't.

Jack Black is not amused.

It's never a good thing when there's a devil baby.

Grim (1995)

Suburbanites using a Ouija board in an abandoned shack set free a monster who prowls the caves under their neighborhood and materializes in living rooms to kill people.

Homes in the area are starting to show structural damage. So a group of spelunkers - including two of the people who unleashed the monster - go into the caves to see if local mining operations have been drilling under their homes.

Well, get ready for a collision course with a killing machine as the group runs into the monster and runs about in the caverns.  The monster on the cover is what it looks like, so that should tell you what you're getting into - and why are adults in an abandoned shack with a Ouija board?  They can do that in their own home.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

Johnny Blaze is back and he's chewing the scenery.  This time the Ghost Rider bands together with a monk to rescue a child that Satan, known as Roarke, is after. But the Rider is too busy killing wrong doers, like people who tell little white lies and those who do illegal downloading, (an extremely heavy handed bit of propaganda if ever there was one).  This makes me hope that instead of killing murderers and rapists, we're going to see the flaming skeleton smash into some Ivy League dorm room and vaporize a straight A student for downloading a Justin Bieber tune from a bit torrent.

The monk also states he can help the Ghost Rider rid himself of the curse. Hurrah!... uh wait.  Is that a good idea at this point in time, since Satan and his minions are chasing you and trying to steal the child you're protecting?  So why would Ghost Rider pick this exact moment to perform a ritual freeing himself from the curse and becoming a normal human being?  Well you'd be right to ask, as there is no good reason other than he's an idiot.

As soon as Blaze loses the Ghost Rider curse, the movie goes right into snores-ville since the only thing that was really entertaining was Ghost Rider vaporizing people and the flaming skull and fire effects.  What we have left is Nic Cage getting beaten up, and while that does sound appealing, it's not very interesting.

Watch for Carrigan, who is regenerated with the power of decay.  Whatever he touches decays to dust in seconds.  This makes it impossible to eat food since it decays at his touch, except for Twinkies. People also decay.  I kept wishing his steering wheel would decay as that would make things more interesting, but to no avail.

Overall - cool effects and flaming skeleton, but then the ghost rider disappears and there's no reason for the movie.

Maximum Conviction (2012)

Steven Seagal is Tom Steele, formerly black ops, assigned to decommission a prison along with his partner Manning, played be Steve Austin, (the wrestler not 6 million dollar man, although that would've been excellent.)

Two female prisoners are brought to the prison, and Seagal is in charge of signing them in and out.  When the FBI show up to take the women to another location, the warden states they need to see Steele, who isn't there at the moment.  This does not sit well with their leader, played by Michael pare as they are actually mercenaries who are up to no good.

When Seagal arrives back at the prison and discovers something is afoot, he puts on camo, a backward ball cap and sunglasses. So you know he's damn serious.

The movie ramps up... something at this point as it's good guys vs bad guys.  Pare's group tries to locate the women by threatening the warden and using an inside source.  While  Seagal and Austin try to get the women to safety and wipe out the bad guys.

The strange thing about this movie is that Austin and Seagal are hardly in any scenes together.  They each do their thing and it works to a certain extent, but it's still odd.

Laughs are at Seagal's expense when he wanders into a scene near the end of the movie with his huge camo vest which - upon his large frame -  resembles a sympathy pregnancy suit.  It just looks ridiculous.  Unfortunately for Seagal, at other times in the movie he could be referred to as a potato in an overcoat or Old Dracula.  Thus another reason for it being a good idea to team him up with Steve Austin again.

Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984)

Instead of the desired effect of propelling Pia Zadora to a successful acting and singing career, this movie has essentially been lost in time. In one sense, that's good because it's not a good movie.  The jokes are lame, the plot is right out of a 1960s beach movie, and we have to hear Zadora sing pop songs.  On the other hand, it's so ridiculous that we had lots of fun watching it.

Aliens in a spaceship shaped like a guitar head to Earth to check out the source of a music video. Unfortunately for them the video is by Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora aka Dee Dee. So right off the bat we know the aliens have no taste.  However they do get points for styling themselves after Devo.

Dee Dee likes hanging out at the beach with her boyfriend Frankie, (Craig Sheffer with a face chiseled from granite).  But Frankie's main interest is his band The Pack, and he doesn't care about Dee Dee's desire to sing. She's just a girl so she should back off, stop bothering him, and come when he calls.

Hijinx ensue as the aliens wander around the town of Speelburgh trying to fit in with the kids.  When they meet Dee Dee, Absid (spelled ABCD), the leader of the aliens ,falls for her.  Dee Dee is tired of Frankie being a jerk and she's flattered by Abcd's interest.

Then it's time for the rock off at Heidi High.  The bands play at the opposite ends of the gym, and the crowd runs back and forth to watch whoever they think is best.  It's The Pack (aka Jimmy and the Mustangs whose best known song is Justine) vs. the Alphabet band (because all the aliens have names made up of letters of the alphabet) and their space robot.  Plus Abcd let's Dee Dee sing with them, so take that Frankie!

Pia's wardrobe is terrible and unflattering, especially her white suit with billiard pockets and her napkin ring hair accessory.

The film also has Ruth Gordon as the Sheriff who is obsessed with locating the aliens, and Michael Berryman as a mental patient.

Dorky aliens

The Pack aka Jimmy and the Mustangs at the diner

Are we not men? We are the Alphabet Band

Since when is a napkin ring a hair accessory?

Frankie's jaw can kill you

A sea serpents gives her the hook. Someone hit a
pool ball into her side pocket.

Promo shot of the Aliens

Slaughtered (2010)

After a pub closes for the night, the employees hang out and have a few drinks.  When one girl's obnoxious boyfriend shows up, the party stalls. Then they discover a drunk who was asleep in the bar and ask him to leave.  While he's walking to his car, he's killed.

The next night, the owner and another worker find the dead drunk lying in the pool room upstairs.  They decide to call the police and lock the all doors of the pub to make sure the killer doesn't escape. Doesn't seem like a very bright idea since it means they're all locked in with a killer.

It's low budget and not all that exciting but it's okay considering it's on one of these cheapie DVD packages.  Locking themselves in with a killer is ridiculous and the twist as to who the killer is, well not real surprising.  I guess the best thing I can say about it is that it's better than two of the other movies that I've watched on this DVD set.

One Dark Night (1982)

I picked this up because I thought Jimmy McNichol was in it.  There's a guy on the cover who has a similar haircut and I was always curious about McNichol doing a horror movie since he was a teen idol for awhile.  But then the credits started, and I discovered he's not in the movie.  While I was originally disappointed, it turned out to be decent.

Julie has always wanted to be one of The Sisters, the coolest group in school, what with their three members, their satin jackets with the neon word Sisters emblazoned across the back, and the girl who chews a toothbrush all the time. But Julie is dating the ex-boyfriend of the Sisters leader, who wants him back and hates Julie.

The Sisters haven't exactly been nice to Julie so it's odd she wants to join.  They've been hazing her mercilessly and have one more initiation.  If she passes the test, they'll let her in the club.  Trouble is that their plan is to make sure she fails and ban her from group.  Oh well, that's high school for you.

The last test is spending a night inside the cemetery's massive mausoleum.  The Sisters drop her off and tell her they'll be back in the morning to pick her up.  However they plan to come back in the middle of the night to scare the hell out of her. Then when she runs away in fright, her chances of joining their group will be ruined.  And to make things even freakier, they've given her a pill to take if she gets scared. It turns out to be acid but I'm sure that won't cause her to have any sort of nightmare visions.

Coincidentally earlier that day, famous psychic Raymar was interred in the mausoleum.  Raymar was found dead in his apartment, along with a bunch of women who died during a psychic experiment.  Good old Raymar doesn't intend to let something like being dead hold back his telekinetic powers. So pretty soon we've got lightening blots and dead bodies flying all over the place.

The mausoleum reminds me of Phantasm.  Although the corpses movements, or lack thereof, are kind of silly, there's still something creepy about them gliding along the floor towards the girls. It's even creepier with the shots of the feet about an inch above the ground. There aren't really any big scares, and it looked silly but somehow it still creeped me out.  Most of the action is in the last half hour.

So although I bought this by mistake, in the end it was a good decision because I liked it.   Shriek Show has a double CD with the directors cut of the movie on the second disk.  I haven't watched the directors vision yet. It's a rough cut of the film, and I believe it's supposed to be a bit darker without the teen angst and perhaps less satin.  I'll have to check that out too.

Curse of Lizzie Borden 2: Prom Night (2008)

For the past five years, Cassie has been in an institution.  She was committed after being diagnosed with a split personality.  But her psychiatrist isn't very good since he can't figure out when she's turned into Lizzie.

When he turns his back on her to speak to a tape recorder to provide exposition, you know it's not going to end well.  Oh yeah, she kills him.

Cassie sleeps with a real estate agent at a home for sale, which just happens to be the same house from the first movie where the Lizzie Borden museum was located and Cassie killed everyone.  So why would Cassie go there? She wouldn't want to be at the scene of the murders.  But if she's still possessed by Lizzie, then why is she sleeping with the agent and jogging?  Lizzie is a 19th century prude.

While jogging, Cassie is almost run over by a female professor who just happens to be teaching a college class on American Folklore, which coincidentally just happens to be currently studying Lizzie Bordon. What are the odds?  This college must be the king of Lizzie Borden studies.

The professor decides it would be a great idea to go to the murder house since it ties in with their studies.  Six students from the class show up because they can get extra credit.  The professor  organized this field trip even though it's at the end of the semester and grades have already been submitted. So.... she already gave them the extra credit?

The professor has lived in town all her life, but had no idea that five years ago in this very house a mass murder of college students by a woman claiming to be Lizzie had taken place.  Honestly, that would be news in any town, especially with the murders occurring at a museum for the same infamous ax murderer.

Basically, the movie can be summed up the same way as the first one: I'm Lizzie and I'm innocent of the murders I've been accused of, and to prove it I'm going to kill everyone with an ax.

Lizzie's brilliant disguise enables her to walk right
past security, although based on the lettering on his
sign, he may not be the brightest bulb

Over the top decor

The shovel looks normal....

.. ummm something looks a little off here...

..... oh good lord, that's just ridiculous. Did you even
have an editor? 

Yeah.... this is not good.

The amazing bending axe! Shot 1 - straight
handle. Shot 2 - rubber bendy handle.

Hypothermia (2010)

Ray and his family have gotten together at the lake to do some ice fishing.  Ray is on the lake alone at night and falls through the ice, but manages to pull himself out of the water.

His family, wondering why he isn't back, send his son out  looking for him and Ray is helped home before he gets hypothermia.  Hmmm, well that's odd considering the title.  Maybe they're teasing us and that someone will get hypothermia when we least expect it using the old "boy who cried wolf" routine.

The next day the family goes ice fishing.  After setting up a small enclosure, they hunker down to wait for a bite.  There don't seem to be any fish, which is odd. So they sit around staring at each other and sometimes talking about family issues.

Later in the day, an obnoxious father and son with a huge trailer pull up next to them.  It's a huge lake, but they've chosen to fish right next to Ray and his family.  Wouldn't they maybe want to go somewhere else instead of competing for fish in this small space?

But the fish are gone because there's something under the ice that wants everyone dead, and it's waiting for it's chance to kill. Sometimes when a movie starts slow, it builds tension. Other times it just makes you lose interest.  This is the latter. All the sitting and talking about family issues became tedious.  So we shut them down and put in another movie. Too bad, because Michael Rooker stars as Ray, but even he couldn't save it.  We expected more monster and less talking about mundane things.

1313: Bigfoot Island (2012)

If you know anything about the 1313 series or about David DeCoteau, then you know what you're in for and it's not pretty, except for the shirtless guys. But it's Bigfoot Island, so how could I not check it out?

The film starts with scenery of forests, waterfalls, and a ferry going across the water. A shirtless teen goes hiking on Bigfoot Island. He hikes and hikes and hikes.  He keeps hiking.  Then he hikes some more.  A girl peers at him from behind a tree.  He keeps hiking.  He jumps over a bent tree. He makes a cell phone call to a friend - although maybe he's a lonely shirtless lunatic pretending someone's on the other end of the line since we only hear his side of the conversation.  He resumes hiking and jumps over a bent tree.  It's the same footage we've already seen. The girl peers at him again and ducks back behind a tree.  This is the first seventeen minutes of the film.

Is anything going to happen?  Are we going to keep having to watch this kid hike?  Where's Bigfoot?  Is the girl the Bigfoot?  Was she supposed to be replaced by a CGI creature and someone forgot?  We begin to fast forward eventually stumbling upon something that looks like it could be the creature.  It turns out to be the mangiest rental ape suit we've ever seen. They only give you flashes of it, but even so you can tell it's not a prize winning costume.

This movie is mostly padding.  There are other shirtless and semi-shirtless guys who hike and run on Bigfoot Island.  They're all friends and Bigfoot doesn't seem to like them.  In between hiking scenes, we see the girl doing some sort of hippie ritual.  Does this have anything to do with Bigfoot?  Just fast forward to the last six minutes of the movie.  Everything will be explained, although not to your satisfaction. But then again, what did you expect from a movie called Bigfoot Island whose title screen boasts a font that makes 1313 read like 7373.

Loaded (1994)

A group of friends go away to a country estate for the weekend so they can make a horror movie... and that's the only part of this film that can even remotely be considered horror, which is odd since it's on a horror collection which boasting the subtitle, Hatchets and Cleavers.

If you saw this movie on TV and were in the mood to watch a drama, maybe it would be okay. But since it is being marketed as a horror movie I was severely disappointed.  I kept waiting for one of the characters to murder another.  One of them has a collection of clippings on serial killers/murderers. Another is jealous of his girlfriends relationship with another male. But ultimately, there is no horror, hatchets, cleavers, or killers anywhere in the film.

So if you want to watch a bunch of British twenty somethings sit around talking, shooting a terribly bad horror movie, and taking acid which sets up the ending, then be my guest.  But just make sure you know it's more about the characters, their relationships and psychological musings than anything else.

Another in the long line of budget horror collections which pad their running time with non-horror films whose descriptions can be disguised as horror.

Black Roses (1988)

The Black Roses are coming to Mill Basin and all the kids are excited. But the parents and teachers are not happy and want to shut down the concert, which leads me to wonder why this wasn't addressed when the concerts were booked and before the band actually got to town.

Johnny and Julie are super excited as this is their favorite band and it's an honor for their town to have the first shows on the tour.  Cool teacher Matt is on the kids side because hey, it's only rocknroll.

Lead singer Damien meets with Matt and assures him everythings cool.  On opening night, teachers and parents fill the back of the venue to determine if the concert can continue.  They're going to shut down the show if the band is too scary for the old folks or the lyrics are a bad influence on the children. But the band is pretty mellow and the adults leave.

As the doors close on the snooty adults, the group starts rocking and the kids go nuts. Hurrah!  But each night the kids get more and more brainwashed as Damien and his band aren't really the sweet little heavy metal singers they pretend to be.  They are actually demons who plan to take over the world by brainwashing the kids into being violent and taking over the town... and eventually the world.  Pretty silly actually, but kind of fun to watch.

Bruce Lee From Beyond the Grave (1976)

aka Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave

If you're not aware of the movies that Bruce Lee actually made, then you're sure to be taken in by the photos of Bruce featured on the cover as well as his freakin' name in the title.  So I'm sure there are people who watch this and end up disappointed when they discover that the star is actually Bruce K. L. Lea.

Wong Han suspects that his old friend was murdered, although the official word is that he committed suicide. Han goes to Los Angeles to investigate the death, saves a damsel in distress, and discovers his friend had become a successful businessman until a lawyers son was injured at his gym and a lawsuit took every penny he owned.

This is a sometimes boring, but super ridiculous movie with bad acting/dubbing and funny foley.  The voices sound like the same ones who would dub all the films I'd see back in the 1980s on Kung Fu Theater.  The line reads are stilted and often hysterically bad.  Dialogue is unintentionally silly and fake Bruce aka Wong Han makes funny noises when he fights. I know he's trying to sound like Bruce Lee, but Lee's sounds were not an imitation of the noises someone else makes. 

The music is funky 70s stuff.  In one scene where Bruce is teaching Susan kung fu, their mouths are moving and you can tell they're speaking, but there is only a 70s music soundtrack. The foley is so odd, I bet if you closed your eyes and tried to guess what the sounds were, that you would not be able to figure it out.

Also of note, ninja great Sho Kosugi is the unnamed Japanese ninja in this movie. Go Sho!

Here's a sampling of some of the more ridiculous dubbed dialogue:

Susan: "Then one day a group of strangers came to see him.  A Japanese, a Black man, a White man, a Mexican and a cowboy.  They looked a pretty mean bunch."

Wong Han: "And then what happened?"

Susan: "Nothing at all...."

Wong Han:"Leave her alone."

Masher: "Damn you!"

Susan: "I don't know where they are by now.  They could be anywhere in Los Angeles for all I know. This is an enormous city, you know."

Wong Han: "I understand.  Los Angeles is an enormous city."

Wong Han: "I'm looking for a karate school." (said to guy smoking a cigarette who promptly punches him in the face).

Wong Han: "Why did you kill him?  Speak up! Speak up! Talk!"

Killer: "I will tell you.  He was arrgghhhhhh....." (hit by shuriken and dies)

This is exactly what happened in all the plays I wrote when I was kid. A flunky who was just about to reveal the killers name would be killed mid-sentence.

The Many Moods of Susan

Bruce jumps out of his grave and right out
of this movie, never to be seen again

And the disappointment begins...

Surprise!  It's not Bruce Lee, but an incredible simulation.

Tonight on Overacting, Loud Plaid Theater...

Nothing awkward about wearing a box and your
dead friends 8x10 glossy tied to your neck by a sheet.

The literal rendering of Susan's story - "Then one day a
group of strangers came to see him. A Japanese, a
Black man, a White man, a Mexican, and a cowboy."

My favorite Ninja, Sho Kosugi

Bruce Lea, safari fashion plate

This guy reminds me of the Skipper from Gilligans Island