Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Stitcher (2007)

A group of friends go to a small hick town for the weekend after one of the girls inherits a house from her aunt.  On the way there,   one girl loses her directions and stops at a local store to ask for directions and use the restroom.  The bathroom is covered in blood, which freaks her out, but not enough to stop looking for a  map.  Okay Crazy, good riddance!

None of the group is aware that the town is menaced by The Stitcher, a local killer who sews buttons on himself.  Yeah sounds like he'd be in more pain than anyone else until you realize that he's going to kill you to get your buttons.  You see, there's a textile mill in town and if you're wearing buttons, the Stitcher's going to get you.  Yeah.... that about sums it up.

The characters hang out, play pool, drink, are totally unlikeable and most of them are annoying.

This is shot on video and has all the hallmarks of an amateur film - the jokes fall flat, the acting ranges from passable to downright horrible, they plug the band who did the soundtrack in the film - not once but twice - and they ramp up the repulsion level by thinking fake hillbilly teeth and flatulence are comedy gold.  The local yokels all have dirt smudged on their faces and there is a wacky homeless lady.

Even the bloopers aren't funny.  It seems like the cast and crew had fun on the set, which is cool. But having fun doesn't mean you've made a good movie.  Well, I'm sure the bloopers are funny if you were on set, but if not, they're not that interesting.

Most ridiculous dialogue:  " aunt died. She never could have kids. So I'm the closest thing to family she has."  Uhhhh, wait, if she's you're aunt, she is family.
If you're going to make a movie, you need to lean how to spell check
Please note that we have a Blooper REAL

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