Monday, April 1, 2013

Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984)

Instead of the desired effect of propelling Pia Zadora to a successful acting and singing career, this movie has essentially been lost in time. In one sense, that's good because it's not a good movie.  The jokes are lame, the plot is right out of a 1960s beach movie, and we have to hear Zadora sing pop songs.  On the other hand, it's so ridiculous that we had lots of fun watching it.

Aliens in a spaceship shaped like a guitar head to Earth to check out the source of a music video. Unfortunately for them the video is by Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora aka Dee Dee. So right off the bat we know the aliens have no taste.  However they do get points for styling themselves after Devo.

Dee Dee likes hanging out at the beach with her boyfriend Frankie, (Craig Sheffer with a face chiseled from granite).  But Frankie's main interest is his band The Pack, and he doesn't care about Dee Dee's desire to sing. She's just a girl so she should back off, stop bothering him, and come when he calls.

Hijinx ensue as the aliens wander around the town of Speelburgh trying to fit in with the kids.  When they meet Dee Dee, Absid (spelled ABCD), the leader of the aliens ,falls for her.  Dee Dee is tired of Frankie being a jerk and she's flattered by Abcd's interest.

Then it's time for the rock off at Heidi High.  The bands play at the opposite ends of the gym, and the crowd runs back and forth to watch whoever they think is best.  It's The Pack (aka Jimmy and the Mustangs whose best known song is Justine) vs. the Alphabet band (because all the aliens have names made up of letters of the alphabet) and their space robot.  Plus Abcd let's Dee Dee sing with them, so take that Frankie!

Pia's wardrobe is terrible and unflattering, especially her white suit with billiard pockets and her napkin ring hair accessory.

The film also has Ruth Gordon as the Sheriff who is obsessed with locating the aliens, and Michael Berryman as a mental patient.

Dorky aliens
The Pack aka Jimmy and the Mustangs at the diner
Are we not men? We are the Alphabet Band
Since when is a napkin ring a hair accessory?
Frankie's jaw can kill you
A sea serpents gives her the hook. Someone hit a
pool ball into her side pocket.
Promo shot of the Aliens

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