Sunday, March 10, 2013

Dead Teenagers (2006)

I've done it again. I accidentally rented a Brain Damage film.  Bad move on my part, although this one wasn't as bad as most of their movies.  It's an anthology, which I'm not really a fan of as many of them aren't that great.  So that's two strikes just going into it.

The wrap around that holds the stories together is a man in a library.  As he's browsing the shelves, a notebook mysteriously falls off a shelf behind him. He picks it up and decides to read it.

First problem with this is that the notebook looks disgusting. If I saw it on the floor, I wouldn't touch it. It's gross. Second, it's got hand written lettering on the front that says Book of Lore. Sounds like some kids writing about his fantasy card game again.  Not interested in your sticky, discolored, poorly written lore, ya teenaged maroon.  End of movie.

Here's a run down on the stories:
  1. The Boo Men - a sackheaded creep in flannel haunts a guy with mental issues... besides seeing sackheaded creeps. The ending is lame but otherwise it's okay as you keep trying to figure out what the sackheaded creep wants.
  2. Full Moonlighting - a kid with awesome 70's hair returns from backpacking in Europe, and his ex-girlfriend gets in touch. But he's got this strange bite on his leg and he doesn't want her around. This isn't exactly original (cough, American Werewolf in London, cough), but it was probably the best one. Perhaps that's because it was short.
  3. Skeleton Key - a girl and her boyfriend go to her dead Grandmothers house to look through stuff before her parents sell everything. They hear noises and the guy goes to investigate even though his girl is smart enough to want to leave. Stupid. Worst of the bunch.
  4. Suckers - a couple of guys running a movie theater discover an old film behind the screen and decide to watch it.  It's ancient but one guy swears he saw the girl in the theater that night.  Includes the only vampires who can be thwarted by shining flashlights in their eyes, or hitting them in the face with a door.
The movie is called Dead Teenagers, but everyone is obviously older than that.  Even their story lines don't portray them as teens.  So what's up with that except that it makes a better title than Dead College Students?

The acting was passable except for two guys in the last segment that were so horrible it was painful to watch. I actually had to go back and watch some of it again because I couldn't believe they were really that bad.  They were.

I would also be remiss in mentioning that when they open the book, each story is two pages long. Yup that's it.  It almost makes me wish they had just filmed the notebook itself as I could read it in less time than it took me to sit through this.

Nope, I'm not touching it. It looks disgusting.
Who knows what unsavory fluids have stained it.
Behold his awesome feathered hair -
no seriously, it's fantastic.
Nope, still not going to touch it.  The inside is almost
as bad as the outside, what with it's yellow stains - yeech!
Who knew this was a viable option for stopping a vampire?

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