Saturday, May 18, 2013

Shakma (1990)

Dr. Sorenson and his students work with animals, and by work with, I mean mess them up experimentally.  They also play something referred to as The Game which involves walkie talkies, a lame computer program, tracking devices, keys, a princess, a nemesis, and the professor as the gamemaster (which sometimes sounds like they're saying gaymaster which takes on a whole other connotation of the game). Honestly, I have no idea what the hell the point of this game, but they're all excited about it.

They've decided to play in the school, which is six stories high. The professor locks all the exits so no one else can get in and his helper sets up all the clues, scrolls, and hidden items that can help the players win the game.

The building has a laboratory and operating room in it.  That afternoon after an operation baboon  Shakma attacked one of the students. Dr. Sorenson decides Shakma must be down since he's gotten aggressive.  But Sam, who has a special relationship with the baboon, mistakenly grabs the wrong medicine since he's too busy discussing The Game. Oh yeah, always good to inject the crazy primate with a drug that will make him even more insane.

When the game starts, Dr. Sorenson sits in an office with the state of the art, (in other words primitive), computer program and tracks everyones movements. He's got six walkies each labeled with a piece of  tape with a players name.

As the players start wandering around trying to find clues and requesting permission to enter rooms, Shakma wakes up from his near death experience and becomes a killing machine. The lunatic is bouncing off walls and ripping peoples faces off. Oh no, he's not well.

The freakin' thing is hurling itself at doors and flying at the camera. What the hell?  Did they film this somewhere where they let you harm animals?   I don't ever want to be alone with a baboon. This thing  could definitely rip your head off if he got his damn dirty ape hands on you.

Once Sam and his girlfriend Tracy discover that his beloved Shakma isn't dead, but is a killer primate, things start getting stupid. You'd think the first thing they'd do is go to a Shakma-free floor, but they keep splitting up and trying to distract him. Damn it! Go to a different floor and find a phone.  Call for help then find your friends. Or if you're going to split up, then one of you look for your friends and the other look for help.

They ramp up the idiot factor when they think it's a viable option to get help by pushing silverware out of a vent on the 3rd floor and trying to hit a car below.  And what kind of building has a vent over the window, but no glass?

Our high tech computer program to track the players
Surprisingly enough, this creepy guy is not a child predator

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