Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Machete Joe (2010)

Damn you, Machete Joe!  You've lied to me more than once and I demand retribution.  First, I picked you out of the discount bin, but when I got you home found I'd been charged full price. Liar!

Second, when I went back to the store to ask for the discounted price since the price sticker with the word bin was stuck over the regular price sticker, the clerk said that didn't necessarily mean it was supposed to be sold at the discount bin price.  Liar!

And third, to add injury to insult, the description (which is why I picked up this terrible thing) was written by someone who never watched the film. Damn you, you liar!

The description starts out, "A group of urban legend busters sets out to discover the mysterious truth behind a disfigured killer.... "  Really?!  Urban legend busters? I don't ever remember anyone ever busting legends.  Investigating? Sure. Trying to prove legends are real?  Yes.  But legend busting? Well that sounds exciting...no, it really doesn't but I was excited to see how they bust up the old legend and what kind of wacky capers they would have.  Well the joke was on me because there isn't even a real legend, let alone any legend busting, going on in this movie.

Instead we get a story about a film crew and actors who go to this old stone house to shoot a movie.  They are told not to film in the desert because it can be dangerous, but of course they do anyway. The movie they are shooting is based on an old newspaper article about a guy who killed someone with a machete.  They call their lead character Machete Man.  But now people on the set are dying. What the heck? Is there really a machete man come back to life?  No, of course not.  Are there any urban legend busters? Of course not. Is there a secret? Well yes, and though it's been well contained for over ten years all of a sudden whoops, it's set free and running wild. Damn those secrets, always killing you when you least expect it.

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