Monday, October 28, 2013

Penny Dreadful (2006)

The worst self help expert in the world decides that Penny, who is afraid of cars, should go on a long drive to the mountains where years before she was in a car wreck that killed her parents.  From Penny's freak out reactions, it seems like they should have worked up to this. And this is one hell of a long ride since they start out in the day and when it's pitch black they're still driving.

As they drive along an isolated road, they accidentally hit a hitchhiker.  Counselor Orianna gets out to check on him and when she comes back tells Penny they're giving the creep a ride. It's the least they could do after they hit him with a car.  After settling in the back seat he says nothing but at one point he offers to share a skewer of raw meat with them.

His destination is a camp down a deserted overgrown road. When the car gets closer, they discover the camp is closed which causes some panic.  But our little hitcher gets out without incident, and as they peel off he waves good bye. Oh what a polite little maniac.

Less than a minute later, Orianna stops for Penny to throw up, and they discover a knife in their front tire.  Let's consider the idiocy of this turn of events.  You've just dropped off a creepy hitchhiker who was eating a skewer of fresh raw meat.  Wouldn't you refuse to pull over and tell Penny to stick her head out the window to puke? And if you did make the mistake of pulling over, only to find a big knife in your tire, wouldn't you leave it in there to avoid the air escaping? And wouldn't you push freak out Penny into the car when she said she couldn't get back in? (In Penny's mind being in a car is worse than being alone at night in the middle of the woods with a crazed maniac).

And once in the car, wouldn't you drive like a bat out of hell rather than refusing to move until Penny wipes the condensation off the back window to see if the maniac is standing behind the car?  And once you drove off and the tire became totally flat, wouldn't you keep driving - even if you were on the rim and it was throwing up sparks? Wouldn't your goal to be get the hell away from there and find civilization? Or at least put many miles between you and the maniac?

And if you decided the best point of action should be to stop so you don't damage your car,  and walk around to try to get a signal on your cell phone, wouldn't you stop walking once you connected with 911? Or would you just keep walking and lose the signal? Good god! Worst. Counselor. Ever.

Honestly, you'll get so annoyed by Penny screaming that you'll have to fast forward or mute the sound eventually. Most of the movie takes place in the car so yeah, that's real exciting.

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